Gotta Go?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I am not comfortable using a vibrator. I think it would actually be more detrimental than helpful to mine and my husband's sex life. Any tips would be good. I've only been married 6 months-our sex is decent, but I get irritated during intercourse. I always feel like I have to pee and certain positions make me cry for some reason...who knows...

{Jessica Claire Photography}

Vibrator and other sex toy use is definitely a personal decision that should be made between husband and wife. While they can be great tools in teaching your body how to orgasm, they are not for everyone. Pain during intercourse is not uncommon and can be affected by level of arousal and timing in your cycle, among other things.

Between 40 and 54% of women experience a noticeable expulsion of fluid during intercourse. Only 14% report it as occuring regularly. This phenomenon is referred to as female ejaculation. It is rarely discussed and can be a confusing sensation and is often described as "needing to pee." There is a very good chance that this is what you are experiencing.

"When the leakage or expulsion of fluid from the urethra occurs at orgasm, a frequent response is for the woman to deliberately hold back her orgasm and the control this requires during love making prevents her abandonment to erotic pleasure and leads to lack of sexual satisfaction. Since achievement of sexual satisfaction is important in the induction of sexual desire (Riley, 2004), loss of sexual desire follows."

-Sexual desire inhibited by urethral expulsions by Professor of Sexual Medicine, Alan Riley

I would recomend discussing this with your husband. Try planning ahead and grabbing an old towel before you have sex. Try to relax and accept what happens. You may be one of the lucky few who gets to experience female ejaculation.


  1. Wow... I always thought I was weird for feeling that way. It's good to know that there are others out there. I don't know that I'd call us a "lucky" few, though. I was always kind of embarrassed about it. Sometimes I couldn't really control it and just had to apologize to my ever-patient put-up-with-anything-for-sex husband. I'll bet he'll be relieved to find out that I'm not actually peeing while making love. :-p

  2. I actually found out that I have more intense orgasms when I do have to pee, which is weird but I'm sure there is some medical reason behind it. Also, my husband loves incorporating a vibrator sometimes when we have sex and it's fun for both of us :)

  3. It can also be a sign of a problem though...I know what you're saying, but needing to urinate during sex can really be just that. I'd advise using the restroom before sex just to see if that helps. I know from experience.

  4. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I always have to grab an old towel before sex, because so much comes out. My husband sees it as a sense of accomplishment for him every time it happens, as he should!

  5. I've felt the need to pee before during intercourse, but never been able to orgasm from penetration alone.

  6. I have experienced female ejaculation many times but i have never felt an feeling of needing to pee associated with it. Most of the time it happens when I orgasm. and I'm so caught up in the moment that I don't notice until we're done.

    When I was first married I had the needing to pee feeling. I asked my doctor about it and she stated that women who were virgins when they first get married start having sex all the time, the nerve endings in that area are not used to having that much contact. The friction of your husband's hands/body can rub the clitoris and labia until they become slightly irritated, and may cause you to confuse the feeling with the need to pee. Having my husband shave a little more down there and use a little more lube fixed the problem.

  7. Thanks for answering my question! haha I love how everyone is posting "anonymous" including me. Thanks, Gwen, for making this a safe environment.

    OK, well, I was a virgin before I got married so that could be the issue. I think I am going to to keep trying to relax and let go and see what happens. I think most of our "issues" are just learning curves because we both were virgins. I don't mind at all though, it is so fun learning with the man I love. I think I get irritated when I start belieivng lies that I need to be an epert sex kitten to please my husband. In reality, he likes the learning process too-I just need to relax and remember that some day we WILL be experts as Gwen says, have rockin' hot sex. I mean, I already think it's hot so it can only get better!

  8. I use the ugliest set of dishtowels we got for our wedding as "sex towels" (don't worry...they never get repurposed for the kitchen).



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