Dear Gwen,I'm a huge fan of your blog and I just wanted to write and say that I'm so glad there is a voice like yours for women everywhere. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years and we are still waiting! I never thought I'd find a guy who would agree to wait, but he has been a trooper. I mean, seriously. He must be in for the long haul, right? haha....I may have missed this in a previous post, but what are your thoughts on birth control? I know it is against the beliefs of many Christians, but since I haven't had any need for it anyway, it's never been an issue for me. Just curious as to your take since I put stock in your opinion!xoxo,A Reader
- A Unified and Bonded Marriage: How would the use of birth control alter your ability to connect with your spouse? Do the hormones in the pill have negative sexual or emotional side effects? Do you have a more difficult time climaxing with the use of a condom or other form birth control? On the other hand, maybe you feel more confident in connecting with your spouse without worry of conception? Birth control has enabled couples to bond sexually much more frequently where before they would have refrained to prevent pregnancy.
- Mental, Emotional, and Physical Well-Being: It is also important to consider the mother (and father's) emotional and physical ability to care for a child. Children last for about 78 years, so this is no light commitment. Health factors may make pregnancy very dangerous for the mother. Also, consider Postpartum Depression or other mental health concerns and your ability to cope with these issues and this point in your life. The answer, however, shouldn't be, "This is going to be hard, I'll pass." But, "This is going to be hard, how much can I take on? I'm ready at this point in time to stretch myself by constantly loving and serving another human being."
- Economic Ability: Are you sufficiently self reliant to financially care for a child at this time without excessively burdening your family or society? Not only is the pregnancy and actual delivery of the child expensive, but raising a child is expensive too. Birth control can help in the planning, preparing, and saving up for child rearing. But you also don't have to wait until you have the "house on the hill" and perfect finances before having children.
- Successful Procreation: Procreation is truly a gift. To carry a child inside you is a life-changing experience. Children bring joy, happiness and companionship. They push us to learn, grow, and become less selfish. In deciding against procreation you may be denying yourself these opportunities. Additionally, delaying procreation may bring difficulties in conceiving or carrying a child.
"From a strictly biologic point of view, it makes sense to have a baby in your 20s if you are healthy. Your fertility is at its peak, the chances for miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities are low and you are as fit as you’ll ever be for carrying a child. As we age, our fertility lessens and our chances for miscarriage and chromosomal accidents increase. It may be more difficult to conceive a healthy a baby in your 40s. Once your ovaries stop producing healthy eggs there are no medical techniques to reverse this. I have had the heartbreaking job of telling a number of women in their 40s that they are too old to conceive naturally. So I generally remind childless women in their 30s about their “biologic clock.”"-Dr. Laura Stachel, Obstetrics & Gynecology
To me, this is the most important quality to look for in a spouse. It is also the most important quality you should cultivate in yourself. Of course unselfishness should not be confused for a push over. You don’t want to marry a “yes man.” But if both partners are consistently worried about the other’s wants, needs, and feelings there will be no need to doubt their intentions.Selflessness is superior to other sought after traits because from it most good qualities flow. You serve, provide for your family, and are conscious of your words and actions because you are selfless.
How do you know you’ve found an honest man? His actions and reputation speak volumes. Does he have enemies? Does he sleep around? Do the people who love you most approve? Can he hold a job? Is he in excessive or unreasonable debt? Has he hidden anything from you?If you are married now, are you honest? Do you hide things from your spouse? If you do, stop. Didn’t Abe teach you to be honest?
Hard work can be manifested in many ways. But is he working towards something? A productive life is a happy life.
Of course it’s good to have your own interests but do your core values match? Is he a hunter and you a member of PETA? If you want to be a stay-at-home-mom will he do everything he can to make it happen? If you are not the same religion, how will you raise your children or handle holidays? Have you discussed it? Studies show that shared religious beliefs increase marital satisfaction. Consider differences in age, culture, and intelligence.If you’re already married, are you flexible and willing to change?
Someone who is confident will be more capable of loving you. Your relationship will be less consumed by their insecurities. You are choosing a partner not a project. In marriage, it should not be your responsibility to fix someone.But beware; arrogance is not synonymous with confidence. Confidence and humility go hand in hand.
Remember when you met and fell in love with your honey? All of the nervous excitement — the DATING? It can take effort and focus to keep that fire roaring. Twelve of the cutest little wives have come together to support and encourage each other to become the most darling Dating Divas. They have put their heads together to come up with some fabulously creative and inexpensive date nights that are all about having fun and courting your man.
The invitation is for every wife to be a Dating Diva! It’s a movement, ladies, and you’re lucky to be a part of it! I feel so proud to support such worthy women as the Dating Divas and am pleased as punch to take the title upon myself.
While we all know a daily romp in the hay keeps the divorce attorneys away, these Divas offer some fab ideas for nourishing your marriage the other 18 hours that you’ll have left in your day.Like dedicating a Saturday to doing all of His Favorite Things. No malls, no theaters, no Italian.Make the day all about him and Best Buy and steak houses.
You will laugh yourself silly by creating your Choose Your Own Adventure Date. Do you remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books?!? So classic. Between the Star Trek door noises, Rock Band and MC Hammer mentions you will have yourself a FUN night to remember.The girls have even included a downloadable printout for this one.
The girls also know how to get the bed posts a rockin’. I think my guy will love coming home from work to find a trail of flower petals from the garage door all the way to his awaiting girl. Then I will be sure to let him know that I am Wild About Him.
To become a Dating Diva, check out their blog here. Be sure to become a follower, Facebook fan, and add the Divas to your reader!
Boys go crazy for this stuff. Seduce his pants off sister. Do you remember our talk about Victoria's Secret? Well, this is one of those items that Victoria may not have lying around for you. I've found the most affordable and most adorable sexy school girl outfits here. But whether you create your ensemble out of his old work shirt and tie or you buy a sassy little thing, try creating a back to school experience for your husband that he'll never forget. And it's ok if you feel a little bit silly. It'll be fun to have a good laugh together. Step outside the box, girls, and learn something new this school year :)