If you aren't satisfied with the frequency of sex in your relationship, say something to your partner. However, don't attack or be demeaning or blaming. You could try one of the following:
"I love you and I want to be closer to you emotionally and physically...."
"I would like to increase the amount of intimacy we experience in our relationship and I think seeking outside help would help us look forward to...."
"Sex is really important to me because it makes me feel...."
Feel free to offer other suggestions that have worked for you.
Don't say things like "When are you actually going to have sex with me?" "Is your sex drive just dead?" "Why don't you love me?" These comments are manipulative and hurtful and will just push you further apart.
In most studies, both partners generally desire more sexual frequency. Simply talking about it and making it a priority in your life may be all it takes.
It is normal for one partner to have higher desire than the other.
It can be beneficial to understand if there is something feeding in to one partner's low desire. Some possibilities might include:
- Past sexual trauma
- Past or current shameful sexual behavior (e.g pornography use, emotional or physical affairs etc)
- Misunderstanding of each others sexual history
- Eating Disorders
- Body Image struggles
- Knowledge of the sexual response cycle
- Culture around sex
- Individual beliefs about sex and its meaning
- Possible sexual dysfunction
- Medical problem or difficulty