12.19.2011

What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part I



A few people with winter weddings have requested some information on preparing for sex. There's only so much you can know before you actually do. But here are a few things you can do...
  1. Learn about basic anatomy. Yours and his. It's better to know about anatomy before trying anything. For example, do you know what a clitoris is, where it's located and that it's often where stimulation is needed for many woman to orgasm. Does he? You both need to just learn some basic anatomy. It might not make sense until you see it all, but learn all that you can.

  2. Learn about the sexual response cycle. You can see the post here. There are some very informative sketches for you visual learners. I've heard that for a lot of women arousal precedes desire and for men desire comes first. It's just good to know basic gender differences.

  3. Use a dilator to stretch you vagina. This is just helpful for when penetration occurs later. You can often get a set of dilators from your family doctor or OB. They are basically just cylinders that gradually increase in size. You can buy a set of dilators online if you're too nervous to talk to your doctor. Make sure you get some lubricant to help them go in easier. This will also get you the chance to see if you're allergic to any lubes. Babeland has a wide variety if you need a place to get started.

  4. If you are planning on doing any special grooming for the hair down there or other areas try it at least once before nearing your wedding. For example, I've known some girls that go in for the full Brazilian the day before they get married and end up being allergic to the wax and then sex was a nightmare the first few weeks because they're dealing with a rash.

  5. Talk to your fiance about his expectations for your grooming. I know of a man that didn't know women had pubic hair and went and hid in the bathroom for a few hours after he saw his wife naked because he thought he had married a man. True story. (Again, see #1). Let him know your expectations as well. Also, make sure you clean down there. Unscented Baby wipes work great, but you can also just use a wet wash cloth. Sometimes, you can have a white-ish buildup around your clitoris and the other folds that will cause an odor.

  6. Talk to your fiance about his expectations about lingerie. Is it sexy? Is it a waste of time? What do you think? My suggestion is to at least try it out. Most women find it empowering and helpful in boosting their libido.

  7. Discuss what types of sex are desired and appropriate in your marriage. Manual stimulation? oral? anal? vaginal? How often do you plan to have sex? You may not want to form a concrete opinion, but it's good to discuss expectations.

  8. Discuss the "what ifs". What if you're too tired- do you nap first? What if he prematurely ejaculates? She can't orgasm? Penetration is too painful or impossible? What are you going to do about these common situations? My advice is to go in with a sense of humor, relax and remember you have lots of time to learn and perfect it.

  9. Discuss opinions on sex toys, vibrators and other props and objects. Do you want to start out with this or gradually introduce them or not have them at all?

  10. Be healthy. Go to your OB for a premarital exam. Ask lots of questions. Make sure you're living a good lifestyle with healthy eating, exercise, rest and good hygiene.

  11. Sex if meant to be fun and enjoyable for the man and the woman. If you think you might be suffering from The Good Girl Syndrome then you should do some reading, challenge those thoughts, talk to your fiance and work through it with a counselor if necessary.

8 comments:

  1. good stuff here.

    amazing how far communication goes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Is using dilators like self stimulation? That M word isn't something I am comfortable with. I am clueless and nervous, but so grateful you posted all of this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No, you are thinking of a dildo
    (http://www.babeland.com/dildos) A dilator (http://www.amazon.com/Vaginal-Dilator-Set-Natural-Shape/dp/B000FU107C) helps prep your vagina for having pressure in it and expanding. Kind of like when you blow up a new balloon - its hard to make it stretch and expand that first time, because even thought its "built" to stretch, it never has before. The same way a vagina is built to have a penis fit into it - but if you've never had sex before its not "used" to the stretching or pressure. Using a dilator can help make it feel more comfortable when it happens.

    I highly recommend it. If you are uncomfortable with masturbation, you will probably feel awkward at first trying to use the dilator - but know that it is very different from masturbation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Anonymous. A dilator is used to stretch your vagina like they explained. It can make sex a lot more comfortable the first time- and some people probably wouldn't be able to have complete penetration the first time without them. It's a personal decision for you. Some like to just stretch it out over time with their partner and others like to be all ready to go.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This list is fantastic. It ought to be printed out, laminated and handed out to young couples getting ready for marriage. I would emphasize to keep number 7 very flexible. All your expectations may change once you've actually had a chance to experience real sex. I know my hubby thought he wanted sex every day, now that he understands the work and preparation involved, he's more of a twice a week guy (at best).

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  6. Oh, I might just add one more thing. Regarding 6, 7, 8 and 9, it's good to discuss fantasy vs. reality. You both should know your own fantasies and commit to doing your best to understand the other person's fantasies. However, it's important to know which fantasies are just fantasies and which ones your psrtner expects to be fulfilled some day.

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  7. I cannot stress the importance of a dilator especially if your doctor has recommended that you use one. My doctor basically said to me "you are so small that if you don't use one, sex will be miserable and you will never want to do it again!" I used one (No it is not at all the same as the "M" word) you aren't trying to "Satisfy" yourself. You are simply stretching out the area as everyone above has explained. The one he gave me was tapered at the beginning and then slowly increased in size so that you could gradually stretch out your vagina. I used it and I am so glad I did. My wedding night was great. No the sex wasn't great the first time. It took some figuring out but at least there was very minimal pain! (I don't even think I would call it pain, maybe just a little pressure).

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just masturbate. There's nothing wrong with it, you've probably done it many times already when you were a child but didn't realize it till someone told you it was a no-no. In reality it's a great way to relieve stress and be more comfortable with yourself.

    ReplyDelete

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