Getting ready to consummate your marriage may be a little daunting, but here are some tips to get you through.
- Take care of your hygiene. Make sure you shave and do any necessary grooming and cleaning down there. Be careful of using harsh cleaners because they might aggravate the area.
- Make sure you've discussed birth control beforehand and have that all ready. (e.g. she's been on the pill for a bit, condoms on hand etc.) I'll have to do another post about some options. Yes?
- Go to the bathroom before having sex. This way there won't be added pressure on your bladder or your rectum. It's really hard to relax and enjoy it when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. It may be normal to feel like you have to pee or go #2 during sex the first few times so it's just nice to go beforehand so you have the reassurance that you don't really need to go again.
- It can be fun to get dressed up into some special lingerie. It will usually make you feel sexier and get you in the mood if you aren't already.
- Make sure you have a good lubricant. Water-based are really great and you're less likely to have an allergic reaction. They also don't dry out or get sticky gross.
- Enjoy exploring each other and making foreplay fun. Women typically need a bit longer than men to become lubricated, fully aroused and ready for penetration. Often, it works well if the man manually stimulates the woman to orgasm and then tries for penetration so he can reach orgasm. Women are capable of multiple orgasms so she may have another or more after penetration occurs.
- Take it S L O W. So many people on the sidebar poll said that it hurt the first time. Your vagina is being stretched out! You don't want it to rip or get super irritated. It takes time to actually be comfortable. Relax. Take deep breaths. Sex is usually not beautiful and sexy the first time. So just take it slow.
- Speak to your partner. Tell him what you like, what's uncomfortable etc. Sure, it may not seem very romantic, but it's so necessary. He's not going to know what you like and you're not going to know what he likes if you don't talk about it.
- It may feel a bit awkward and it probably is. Just relax, smile and laugh your way through. I had never seen a naked guy before (and didn't have any sex education) and I was a bit weirded out like "Whoa, that's supposed to be attractive?!"
- Don't clench! Your butt or other areas. There are vaginal wall muscles that you can learn to control. As you practice Kegel exercises you can learn to control this.
- Get in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Don't try anything too crazy until you get the basics down. A good position to try first is having the woman on top so she can control penetration and it naturally helps her relax the muscles down there.
- Be prepared for your body to just jerk around uncontrollably at times. Relax. Let it happen. This is normal. If you're a control freak, let sex be the area where you don't have to be in control of your body. Let go and enjoy!
- Have a hand towel nearby (like in the drawer of the nightstand). It's kinda messy if he's not using a condom and you used lubricant. Just clean up a bit afterward and you can avoid fighting over who's going to sleep in the wet spot.
- Spend time cuddling afterward. Men naturally release hormones that make them sleepy so be prepared for him to drift off to sleep while you're anxiously awake. Men, try to spend time talking to your wife and cuddling afterward. Talk about what you enjoyed.
- Go to the bathroom afterward or use some personal wipes/ unscented baby wipes to clean yourself up and make sure nothing is in your urethra. Sure, it's not sexy, but a lasting yeast infection is way less sexy.
- Snack and drink water to fuel up for next time
- Practice makes perfect so practice together often!!
What other tips do you have?
What do you wish you'd have known before your wedding night?