Happy New Year

New Years is always a great opportunity to get dressed up (in more ways than one) to welcome in the new year.

Husband and I are just laying low this year at home, but after the kids go to sleep I plan to spend some extra time taking care of myself. I find that it makes me feel a lot better- touch up the makeup, fix the hair, get rid of any food and booger smears that may have come my way and dress up a bit.

What are your plans?
Any resolutions to improve your relationship this coming year?
Enjoy welcoming in 2012!

Don't forget today is the last day to get And They Were Not Ashamed for $4.99 and it's the last day to get $20 off both The Dating Divas' Books.


What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part II

The wedding's over, the reception is starting to clear out and if you're like most couples, the guy is anxious to go and the bride is finding excuses to talk to relatives she hasn't seen in a while, straightening up decorations and taking her sweet time to head back to the honeymoon suite.

Getting ready to consummate your marriage may be a little daunting, but here are some tips to get you through.
  1. Take care of your hygiene. Make sure you shave and do any necessary grooming and cleaning down there. Be careful of using harsh cleaners because they might aggravate the area.
  2. Make sure you've discussed birth control beforehand and have that all ready. (e.g. she's been on the pill for a bit, condoms on hand etc.) I'll have to do another post about some options. Yes?
  3. Go to the bathroom before having sex. This way there won't be added pressure on your bladder or your rectum. It's really hard to relax and enjoy it when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. It may be normal to feel like you have to pee or go #2 during sex the first few times so it's just nice to go  beforehand so you have the reassurance that you don't really need to go again.
  4. It can be fun to get dressed up into some special lingerie. It will usually make you feel sexier and get you in the mood if you aren't already.
  5. Make sure you have a good lubricant. Water-based are really great and you're less likely to have an allergic reaction. They also don't dry out or get sticky gross.
  6. Enjoy exploring each other and making foreplay fun. Women typically need a bit longer than men to become lubricated, fully aroused and ready for penetration. Often, it works well if the man manually stimulates the woman to orgasm and then tries for penetration so he can reach orgasm. Women are capable of multiple orgasms so she may have another or more after penetration occurs.
  7. Take it S L O W. So many people on the sidebar poll said that it hurt the first time. Your vagina is being stretched out! You don't want it to rip or get super irritated. It takes time to actually be comfortable. Relax. Take deep breaths. Sex is usually not beautiful and sexy the first time. So just take it slow.
  8. Speak to your partner. Tell him what you like, what's uncomfortable etc. Sure, it may not seem very romantic, but it's so necessary. He's not going to know what you like and you're not going to know what he likes if you don't talk about it.
  9. It may feel a bit awkward and it probably is. Just relax, smile and laugh your way through. I had never seen a naked guy before (and didn't have any sex education) and I was a bit weirded out like "Whoa, that's supposed to be attractive?!"
  10. Don't clench! Your butt or other areas. There are vaginal wall muscles that you can learn to control. As you practice Kegel exercises you can learn to control this.
  11. Get in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Don't try anything too crazy until you get the basics down. A good position to try first is having the woman on top so she can control penetration and it naturally helps her relax the muscles down there.
  12. Be prepared for your body to just jerk around uncontrollably at times. Relax. Let it happen. This is normal. If you're a control freak, let sex be the area where you don't have to be in control of your body. Let go and enjoy!
  13. Have a hand towel nearby (like in the drawer of the nightstand). It's kinda messy if he's not using a condom and you used lubricant. Just clean up a bit afterward and you can avoid fighting over who's going to sleep in the wet spot.
  14. Spend time cuddling afterward. Men naturally release hormones that make them sleepy so be prepared for him to drift off to sleep while you're anxiously awake. Men, try to spend time talking to your wife and cuddling afterward. Talk about what you enjoyed.
  15. Go to the bathroom afterward or use some personal wipes/ unscented baby wipes to clean yourself up and make sure nothing is in your urethra. Sure, it's not sexy, but a lasting yeast infection is way less sexy.
  16. Snack and drink water to fuel up for next time
  17. Practice makes perfect so practice together often!!
What other tips do you have? 
What do you wish you'd have known before your wedding night?


Special Price: And They Were Not Ashamed

Laura Brotherson is doing a special on her book And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment as an end of year gift. You can currently get the ebook for $4.99. You can also get the hard copy for about $12.

This book is so great for every single stage of a relationship. It's tasteful and informative. I refer a lot of my clients to this book. It's written in such a way you can skip between chapters or read straight through. I especially love the chapter covering The Good Girl Syndrome. Amazon lets you preview a few pages. Check it out and add it to your bookshelf.

Have you read it? What was the best thing you got from this book?


What's Your Love Language?

Hubby and I each took the Languages of Love Quiz. Basically, the love languages are the areas that you feel love the easiest and need to have fulfilled in order to feel like you are truly loved by your spouse. There are 5 areas and they will be ranked by score at the end of the quiz. The areas are: Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation.

Wouldn't you know it, each of our top area was Physical Touch! He scored a 10 (out of a possible 12). Mine was a 9 tied with Acts of Service. It's a fun little quiz to take. I was a bit surprised by the ordering of his love languages, though. It's been great for us to know about each other.

I also recommend getting the book to better learn about yours and his love language. For example, maybe his love language is gifts. If so, you're going to have to look at spending money on gifts as a long-term investment in your marriage. Dr. Chapman has a lot of really great suggestions and ways to speak your partners language. He also has books geared toward children, teenagers, singlesmen and more.

I'm off to go speak to my hubby in his love language.


Be Still

Christmas is upon us. Be still. Pause. Be present with the ones you love. That is, after all, the gift Christ has given.

Merry Christmas, dear love birds.


Great Gift & Special Offer

Do you love your spouse but miss that excitement you had back when you were first dating? Are you feeling more like roommates instead of husband and wife? Wishing you could reconnect with your best friend?

The Dating Divas are doing a special on their new books, The A to Z Guide: 26 Ways in 26 Days to a Happier, Healthier Marriage and The Ultimate Date Night Book.

Through December 31st, you can order BOTH for $27!! This is such a steal!

I have The A to Z Guide already and it's amazing. It has great tips and stories of marriage and helping to get the spark back or even just increase the spark and love within your marriage.

The Ultimate Date Night Guide has their top date night ideas as voted by their audience. I have a new years resolution to go out more frequently with my husband. This book is great because it does all the thinking for you. I'll just need to pick a day and time.

This would be a great gift for yourself, your spouse or friends that you're not sure what to buy for.


Great Gift Idea: Fulfilling Fantasies

A reader suggested,

"I think a great holiday gift for a spouse would be a fulfilled fantasy. You could wrap an empty box and when they open it, tell them they get to choose the fantasy that you will fulfill. If you are nervous that they will choose something that you aren't ready for then perhaps you could make a little coupon book of the ones you are ready for."

I LOVE this idea! Fulfilling fantasies is a great way to add a little variety, increase closeness and have some fun. You can get some ideas here and here. If you need costumes, lingerie or toys try here and here.

What other hot ideas do you have?


What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part I

A few people with winter weddings have requested some information on preparing for sex. There's only so much you can know before you actually do. But here are a few things you can do...
  1. Learn about basic anatomy. Yours and his. It's better to know about anatomy before trying anything. For example, do you know what a clitoris is, where it's located and that it's often where stimulation is needed for many woman to orgasm. Does he? You both need to just learn some basic anatomy. It might not make sense until you see it all, but learn all that you can.

  2. Learn about the sexual response cycle. You can see the post here. There are some very informative sketches for you visual learners. I've heard that for a lot of women arousal precedes desire and for men desire comes first. It's just good to know basic gender differences.

  3. Use a dilator to stretch you vagina. This is just helpful for when penetration occurs later. You can often get a set of dilators from your family doctor or OB. They are basically just cylinders that gradually increase in size. You can buy a set of dilators online if you're too nervous to talk to your doctor. Make sure you get some lubricant to help them go in easier. This will also get you the chance to see if you're allergic to any lubes. Babeland has a wide variety if you need a place to get started.

  4. If you are planning on doing any special grooming for the hair down there or other areas try it at least once before nearing your wedding. For example, I've known some girls that go in for the full Brazilian the day before they get married and end up being allergic to the wax and then sex was a nightmare the first few weeks because they're dealing with a rash.

  5. Talk to your fiance about his expectations for your grooming. I know of a man that didn't know women had pubic hair and went and hid in the bathroom for a few hours after he saw his wife naked because he thought he had married a man. True story. (Again, see #1). Let him know your expectations as well. Also, make sure you clean down there. Unscented Baby wipes work great, but you can also just use a wet wash cloth. Sometimes, you can have a white-ish buildup around your clitoris and the other folds that will cause an odor.

  6. Talk to your fiance about his expectations about lingerie. Is it sexy? Is it a waste of time? What do you think? My suggestion is to at least try it out. Most women find it empowering and helpful in boosting their libido.

  7. Discuss what types of sex are desired and appropriate in your marriage. Manual stimulation? oral? anal? vaginal? How often do you plan to have sex? You may not want to form a concrete opinion, but it's good to discuss expectations.

  8. Discuss the "what ifs". What if you're too tired- do you nap first? What if he prematurely ejaculates? She can't orgasm? Penetration is too painful or impossible? What are you going to do about these common situations? My advice is to go in with a sense of humor, relax and remember you have lots of time to learn and perfect it.

  9. Discuss opinions on sex toys, vibrators and other props and objects. Do you want to start out with this or gradually introduce them or not have them at all?

  10. Be healthy. Go to your OB for a premarital exam. Ask lots of questions. Make sure you're living a good lifestyle with healthy eating, exercise, rest and good hygiene.

  11. Sex if meant to be fun and enjoyable for the man and the woman. If you think you might be suffering from The Good Girl Syndrome then you should do some reading, challenge those thoughts, talk to your fiance and work through it with a counselor if necessary.


Feelin' Sexy Friday -- Go Commando

I hope you and your man have a hot date planned this weekend. If not, start planning and setting one up. Get all dressed up to go and forget about your underwear or if you're a bit more shy just put on something sexy underneath. Then, during dinner you could accidentally have your shirt fall off your shoulder bit, or pull up your skirt to show him your garter, give him a glance and tease him a bit.

Enjoy the weekend!


Christmas Lingerie

Most men go crazy over something red in their woman's bedroom wardrobe. Christmas is a great time to find good deals on holiday and basic red lingerie.
Yandy has an assortment of lingerie and costumes for everyone and most are 50% off right now! {There's free shipping for orders over $70 and same day shipping so you have time to get these before Christmas. Returns are easy and delivery is discrete.}

They have this for $119 and this for only $19.95 and whole variety of items in between. You could even slip something like this under your dress for the annual Christmas party and give him a nice surprise when you get home. This would also be perfect for spicing up The 12 Lays of Christmas.

Remember to find something that accentuates your best features, have confidence in whatever you wear and enjoy taking control. Most women said wearing something sexy and acting flirtatious helps boost their libido so give it a try!

How do you best enjoy wearing lingerie?
What tips do you have for those that are a bit shy about it?


What Helps Boost Your Libido?

Due to demand, I've created a poll to hear what you do to increase your sex drive.

Feel free to share ideas in the comments!
What helps boost your libido?
Exercising regularly
Talking myself into enjoying it
Eating Healthy
Boosting my self-esteem/self-image
Taking supplements and/or medication
Sensate Focus
Dressing sexy
Practicing on my own
Initiating and taking control
I can't figure out anything that works, yet
I don't need any boost in my libido! It works just fine!
pollcode.com free polls


Find Me on Pinterest

Have you discovered Pinterest and its time consuming abilities?! It's absolutely wonderful!

I love being able to glance over so many things so quickly and find great ideas and tips for just about everything.

And don't forget to come find me on facebook, too.

Let me know if you need an invitation to Pinterest.

Sex Stopper -- Stress

On our recent survey, many women commented that stress is contributing to a decreased sex drive. Stress is bound to happen at times, but how you handle it can make life seem doable or extremely difficult. Stress or anxiety is just activation of our body. A certain level of activation is helpful and can help move us forward in life while a low amount can keep us stagnant. Choose to use your stress for good and reduce it where you can.
  1. Have a good social support network. Reach out to other's. Have some good friends that you can just talk to about life. Husbands don't always want to hear about the little happenings of your day, but your girlfriend most likely does. The caveat is to make sure you're keeping things between you and your husband that should stay private. Spend quality time with friends. Just having girl time is so therapeutic!
  2. Make time for peace, quiet and relaxation. You will make time for what you believe is most important. I'm telling you now that relaxation and personal time is mandatory. Set time aside every day- even if it's just 5 minutes- to do something you love.
  3. Take care of your body. Get as much sleep as possible, eat healthy and exercise regularly. Your mind functions so much better when your body is taken care of.
  4. Don't stress over the small things. Try to check yourself on whether or not you are looking at long-term or short-term outcomes. It doesn't really matter in the long run how "perfect" you look when you go to work today- especially if it means you can get some much needed sleep. What's more important to worry about?
  5. Do something that relaxes your body and mind regularly. Sex, of course, is naturally great for doing this. But it's great to have something you can do on your own that is quiet and restorative. Try out meditation, guided imagery or yoga. If nothing else, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.
  6. Prioritize and learn when to say no. You don't need to accomplish everything. You don't need to be wonder woman. It's okay to say no. Sometimes, it's even best that you ask for help from other people.
  7. Slow down. Appreciate the little things in life. Don't pack your schedule full of tasks so you're working non-step when you're not sleeping.
  8. Visit a local biofeedback lab to learn about how your body reacts to stress and practice methods to reduce stress.
  9. Visit a local therapist if there are unresolved issues that are troubling you and you don't have the strength or ability to work through it on your own. Don't believe you can do everything on your own.
  10. Don't judge yourself or talk to yourself negatively. You are a great person. You can do hard things. You are amazing at everything you do. God believes in you. Don't let anyone (including yourself) put you down.
What helps relieve your stress?


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