3.21.2012

Fulfilled Fantasy- Male Chastity Device

A while ago, we wrote about fulfilling fantasies and had a reader write in with her scenario. Time has passed and I asked them to share their experience so far...

"My husband and I have been married for a few years now. We got married rather young. He's 28 and I'm 26. We like to think of ourselves as a fun, good humored, active couple. We love biking together, watching documentaries on Netflix and cooking together. We're conservative and religious and we're both very supportive of science, education, the arts and positive community projects.

I consider myself to have a healthy sex drive but, unsurprisingly, my husband's sex drive has always been higher than mine. In college I was sort of proud of how well I flirted with guys. I thought that skill would come in handy in marriage but I realized that once married, flirting with my husband would quickly get him turned on and he would want to have sex. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I'm not always in the mood or ready for it. From my perspective, sometimes kissing can just be kissing, but not for my husband. Once he gets turned on it's a beeline drive for the finish line. He wants penetration right away and then finishes disappointingly (or sometimes mercifully) quickly. I soon trained myself to stifle my flirtatious nature with my husband out of fear that it would trigger his libido. The cycle we found ourselves in wasn't healthy and it was killing the romantic aspect of our relationship. Of course, at the time I had no idea of the damage it was doing. I just thought that marriage was going to be one big sacrifice in the romance/sex department.

After reading posts on GwenInLove about sharing fantasies, I thought it would be good for us to try exchanging our own fantasies. We set up  our little fantasy exchange night and I went first. I told him how I liked kissing just for kissing's sake, going on road trips, taking walks up in the hills by our house and other romantic desires I had. I thought I had done pretty well. Then it was his turn and... wham! He laid his fantasy on me. He wanted me to lock up his manhood in a small cage. I was stunned. On the one hand we have my angelic little romance fantasies and on the other his dark, medieval kinky fantasy. At least that's how I saw it at the time. I was already frustrated with our sex life so when I heard the inner desires of his heart, I freaked out. I know I should have listened, heard him through, and tried to understand but I wasn't thinking clearly and, to be honest, I was really only thinking of myself.

That night was a long one as my imagination about the man I married went wild. The next day while he was at work I hit the net. I posted a plea for help here on GwenInLove and another site I follow. Half of me was hoping to commiserate with women who had felt betrayed by their men, the other half was hoping that somehow I would find out that my husband wasn't all that weird. An amazing response followed that you can see on the GwenInLove posts. I was relieved to discover that, although not extremely prevalent, male chastity is a somewhat common fantasy practiced by many "normal" and well-adjusted adults around the world. I felt pretty silly at freaking out and I decided to give an earnest attempt at understanding my man.

I reconvened the fantasy exchange meeting. It took some convincing because he was hurt by how I reacted the last time. I apologized and told him how bad I felt and that I wanted him to feel emotionally safe to share anything that was in his heart. He was still kind of hesitant and I just told him, "The cat is out of the bag now. There's no hiding your desires anymore so let's just go forward." I told him about my online conversations and read him all the comments I had received. He was surprised that I went to such lengths and he started to open up. We talked and talked and he did his best to try to explain it. One of the commenters linked us to other sites and material which we read from together.

The conversation continued for the next couple days until I started to understand a little bit of his fetish. Let me just try to explain it here as succinctly as possibly. When he was in his early teens, my husband started to feel that normal attraction to girls. He developed crushes like we all do, but was too shy, scared or introverted to do anything about them. It sounds like the girls he associated with were probably confident, loud and pretty intimidating. As he got older and his crushes turned more sexual in nature, he realized that girls basically held him hostage by his own infatuation. We've all experienced it to some degree at some point in our lives. When the person we are infatuated with walks in the room, we freeze up, we can't think or talk, we start to sweat and blush and it's intensely pleasurable and painful at the same time. It's pretty common when we're young, but for some reason those feelings sunk deep into his psyche. He came to crave the submissive and erotic feelings he got when a girl exerted that sexual power over him. He has since grown out of his quiet awkward phase and by the time I met him in college he was a smooth, confident man. He is now a manager over many people at a high-stakes company. Yet, that deep yearning to be sexually and romantically overwhelmed by a woman is still lurking under his tough facade. When we incorporated some tame tie-up games in our lovemaking it rekindled that passion in him to submit some part of himself to a woman, to me. I was oblivious to it all, I just thought we were playing a kinky little game. At some point he read about the recent rise in the use of male chastity devices among couples and he was hooked before he even knew it.

Now back to our story. After all this talk and study I started to feel more confident that I understood my husband and I understood his fantasy and I had the guts to follow through on it if he did. I told him I was willing to give it a go. He seemed relieved and nervous at the same time and produced a chastity cage that he had bought earlier. I realized that he must have been serious about this fantasy for some time but had hid it from me because he knew I wouldn't understand. That made me sad and I promised myself that I would be a more accepting person. He handed me the cage and I examined it. It was smooth, clear plastic and didn't seem overly scary. He showed me how it worked and how it fit together to trap the man's equipment without causing injury or any real pain. He showed me the little brass lock that kept it all securely fastened together. It was a very sensual experience as I knew I held a powerful tool in my hands and I could see the effect it was having on my husband as he watched. We put it on him then. I practiced putting it on and taking it off several times until I felt like I could do it without pinching him.

That night we held our own little lock-up ceremony that we had heard others do. We lit some candles, turned the lights down and made it as romantic as we know how. We set a couple of ground rules and a safe work. We decided on a trial run of a couple of days first, just to make sure that it didn't cause any problems. Then it was time to lock him up. We got it all fastened on him. He wanted me to actually click the lock shut. I thought it would be more romantic he locked it and handed me the key, sort of like a token of his devotion to me. But hey, it’s his fantasy, right? I had prepared a line to say at that moment. Right before clicking the lock shut I told him, "Now that you surrendered your sex to me, I will take the honored place in your life that your orgasm once occupied." It was cheesy but I guess it doesn't sound cheesy to a man who has just been locked in a chastity cage. He face was priceless and hugged me tightly. I thought he might cry for minute. Then we kissed. Boy did we kiss. Since we've been married he has never been able to kiss for more than a minute or two before his clothes start coming off. Now with the device preventing an erection, he was brought right to the edge of desire for me without being permitted to go over. There he stayed for hours as we made out, cuddled, talked and made out some more. Much to my amazement we shattered all of our records for time spent kissing, even from when we were dating.

The next day would be his first day at work wearing the device. He was nervous that it would show through his pants but we did some modeling and as far as I could tell it was imperceptible. I thought about him throughout the day and wondered what he must be feeling and thinking. When he got home (right on time) he told me that he had been constantly reminded of me every time he moved, stood up, walked. He could feel the weight of the device like a gentle but firm hand holding him throughout the day, keeping me always just beneath the surface of his thoughts. He said he felt like an infatuated schoolboy again. He felt those same butterflies in his stomach as thoughts and desires for me arose up spontaneously throughout the day.

That night we made sure the device was still fitting OK. He made a small adjustment to it and we decided to go two more days. Those two days flew by and upon further inspection we found that the device was fitting well and causing him no problems. He is lucky. We have heard that many men require considerable trial and error to get the right fit or even the right device. My husband seemed to be made for the CB-6000 which is one of the most popular devices on the market.

Now it was time to actually start playing the game for real. I say game because in many ways it is a game. It's fun and We are both playing it voluntarily. However, neither of us wanted to take it lightly. This is a game that must be taken seriously for it to be fun, so maybe that makes it more of a sport. I asked him how long he wanted to stay locked up. He responded that it was up to me to make that decision. He reminded me that it wasn't his goal to stay locked up for any specific period of time, or to even be locked up at all. It was his desire to hand that power over to me and let me make those choices. I felt a rush of confidence as I responded, "Very well. I accept. You will stay locked up for no less than one week. I reserve the right to extend that if I see fit." It was a little hard not to giggle as I said it but what followed was another marathon make-out session while his member stayed firmly locked in its place.

The next week was like being engaged again. Flowers appeared on our kitchen table. Chores seemed to magically get done around the house. I was treated to spontaneous back massages and foot massages (my favorite). I think my favorite effect was the little smiles and glances we started giving each other. We were meeting each other’s eyes and connecting in a way we hadn't done since we were first married.

As the week went on I kept reading and learning about the chastity experience. I learned that you can't just lock up a guy and expect him to magically turn into a prince. If he feels abandoned or that being locked up is nothing more than a tool to manipulate him then he will lose that erotic excitement and it will become a chore. These devices are only so secure and he may get out the power tools and cut himself free. (My husband is very white-collar and doesn't have tools so for him it would be a trip to the local locksmith, which he would dread.) The key to keeping the game fun and erotic, and therefore keeping it going perpetually, is to continue to stoke his passions while he is unable to fulfill them. It's not difficult to do. It comes down to the three T's: Teasing, Touching and Thongs (i.e. dressing sexy). Of course wearing revealing clothing around him (when there is no one else around) or doing things like bending over or flashing some cleavage will get him going. Brushing against him as you pass one another, or running a toe along his foot while sitting together takes almost no effort and adds to his smoldering file. The most effective, however, is innocently dropping little teasing comments here and there. Some are very straightforward like, "How is my little prisoner today?" or, "It's been so long, I wonder if I can still remember where I hid that key" or, "Are you sure we should see this movie? I hear [insert attractive move star] appears in a bikini and that might get kind of painful for you...". Other teasings are more subtle like pondering aloud what it might be like for me to kiss another girl (one of his run-of-the-mill male fantasies) or even another guy. That second one really gets him going. I also get a rise out of him by using words like "lock", "key", "device", "trapped", "cage", etc. in casual public conversation. He always blushes when I say them and I know I’ve just given him a little jolt. The key to keeping him locked up and on his toes isn't the little brass key I have hidden in my kitchen, it's the constant teasing that keeps his arousal and his emotions high.

Another thing I have learned is that male chastity is a long-standing kink in the BDSM community and much of the resources out there will also point you towards other BDSM practices. You don't have to go there! Chastity has transcended that community and if you don't want to include whips, cross-dressing, or any other activity in your play then you are under no obligation to do so. Never let someone tell you how you should be playing the chastity game. That is up to you and your spouse and you can make it anything you like...

How has all of this changed him? Well, contrary to some of my initial fears it has not made him into a sissy or a freak. He is the same macho confident guy I have always loved. He is still the boss at work and he is still very outspoken and influential among our friends and in our church. He has changed, though. He now knows how to show his love for me. Perhaps it's not so much a matter of knowing how, but a matter of feeling the urge to do so. I think that is the biggest change in his character. He has always treated me excellently, but he now puts my romantic and sexual needs above his own sexual needs. Let me rephrase that: his sexual needs now include putting my romantic needs first, if that makes sense. It's not just a mental thing either. It's not just, "Well, I want sex so I better do what she wants so she will unlock me." He knows it doesn't work like that and he wouldn't want it to. He seems to have submitted something to me on a deeper level and he gets pleasure from giving me pleasure on my terms.

How have I changed? Well, first I am far more confident in my own sexuality. I now have the freedom to express myself without fear of having to submit sexually as a consequence. I can flirt (with my husband) and tease and be as a sexually liberated as I desire and I know I am enhancing the experience for my husband without giving anything up. I think that confidence is spilling into other areas of my life as well. I never would have had the courage to share this story only a few months ago.

The truly ironic thing about all of this is that as we pursued his seemingly stone-age fantasy, the result has been a fulfillment of all of my romantic yearnings. All of our kissing is now done solely for kissing's sake because for him that is the end of the line. We take those romantic walks in the hills. We do all those things I've wanted and we do them because it pleases him too. I don't know how well I've described it, and frankly I'm still learning about it all myself. I don't know where it will lead us, how it will all end or even if it will end. But I know we're having a lot of fun, we're sexually fulfilled and we're closer than ever. If any couples share this fantasy, give it a go! It has the amazing potential to change your relationship for the better."


If you've had successful experience with a fantasy, please email me and share!

If you're looking for a new or first toy, be sure to check out Babeland and Yandy! Some favorites include the Hitachi Magic Wand , the We Vibe,  and The Blossom Sleeve.

63 comments:

  1. I have a question for the wife. I feel like my libido can diminish over time if I get out of the routine of having orgasms. Do you go the whole time he's locked up without sexual release too? Is it common for the wife to masturbate or receive pleasure even while he's locked up? I know we could make whatever rules suite us, but I'm curious what common practices are and what others have enjoyed or found successful. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. We've played this game, too. While my partner doesn't get to orgasm, I certainly do. I can have him go down on me, experiment with vibrators or other sex toys; whatever I want. As often as I want. For as long as I want.

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      Delete
  2. This whole idea makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot imagine anything more emasculating. I know, "different strokes" and all, but this seems so unhealthy. It feels to me like a cross between BDSM and castration. What's next? Cuckolding?

    I can understand how the wife would be frustrated by her husband's problems with sexual expression and premature ejaculation. However, there are a hundred ways to deal with those issues in a manner that is a healthy sexual expression, and which does not involve literal bondage.

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    1. Have you ever watched another couple having sex? That looks pretty silly, too, doesn't it. A lot of grunting and thrusting that looks like something that could--and does!--take place in a barn. A lot of stuff looks different from the outside than it feels like from the inside. This is one of those things. I can't explain why I like liver. I also can't explain why my partner likes to be kept in chastity. But you're never going to talk me out of liking liver just because you think it's gross, either.

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    2. I rather enjoyed reading this article for many different reasons. First of all, this couple has been in love for a long time and they have developed a deep mutual trust and respect for one another. You have to really trust a woman to lock up your "manhood". She also discussed this with him at length. If any activity is non-consentual, is in violation of that trust and respect. It could ruin a relationship if not done correctly. He has to be sure that she is also responsible enough to not lose the keys. Notice is said KEYS. Never put anything on that doesn't have at least two keys. I would also suggest that he know to get out of that device should she one day turn on him. Anyone can turn on you, anytime. God is the only one we can really trust. I wish them the best of luck!

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    3. Great article, it was powerfully worded.
      That other guy is a douche. Lock his cock up and throw away the key.

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    4. emasculating now that is funny. some folks deserve to be but I digress. chastity play is an amazing bonding experience for anyone.... try it, let go of your ego and free yourself (pun intended)

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    5. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it!

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  3. At first while reading this post, I thought it was so crazy and weird. I didn't think it would be something interesting at all or something that could work for us. But after going through the whole post I think it actually could be an excellent idea for some people. I mean, of course not everyone (Anon March 22) but for people who are in the same boat.

    Anon March 22, I don't think it's really JUST about premature ejaculation and frustrations with "problems" but it's more about expectations. The first couple paragraphs describe the exact same things I struggle with in my marriage. There's an expectation in any flirtation. I enjoy doing all those fun flirtatious things- dressing more sexy, being touchy and sensual. But I have begun to hold them beck because I felt like I couldn't do those things unless I wanted to go to bed right away with my husband. It would be SO FUN and LIBERATING to be able to just flirt and have fun like we did before we were married (because we didn't have sex until marriage).

    The only issue now about if this would work in my own marriage or not is that it's something I know I would enjoy but it would only work if my husband saw it in the same way I did. It wouldn't work unless he felt good about giving me that control. Ultimately, it would only be a positive thing in a relationship if the man is the one handing over the "keys" because the woman can't be manipulative or controlling the man. It's something that would need to be carefully considered.

    But thank you so much for posting about this because I hadn't thought of it at all. It had never entered my mind as something positive - but this could be a fantasy.

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  4. Yay! I'm so happy you shared our experience! I just re-read that. Wow, I wrote a ton! Kudos to anyone who made it all the way through! :)

    @Anonymous Mar 21: You're so right. Yes, it's common for the husband to spend a LOT of time pleasuring the wife while he's locked up. I definitely have more orgasms now than before we locked him up. In fact, it's better because he is always asking me if he can, um... "go down", he still provides a lot of the sex drive between us. Only difference is that I can now choose whenever is best for me. And, as stated, since I know that sex doesn't HAVE to be about penetration anymore, I am much more willing to get sexy more often. Does that answer your question? Oh, and as far as masturbation, many wives do take matters into their own hands but not me so much. I get way too much from him to need to resort to that, although I'm not opposed. There have been a couple times where I got myself a little too hot thinking about him yearning for me at work and, well... you know.

    @Anonymous Mar 22: No, no cuckolding for us. No BDSM either. Definitely no castration! As I said, when playing with this or any other fantasy, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. For us it's pretty much just the chastity game and lots of teasing and romantic exchanges. Let's not forget, this whole thing was his idea and his fantasy. Even though he is sexually frustrated all the time now, that's what he craves. He would tell you himself that he's not unhappy in any way. He's very happy and excited to be living his dream, fulfilled at a deeper level than just being physically gratified.

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  5. Guy here. Loved this post. I think there is something buried deep in many men that enjoys being controlled or teased or somehow subjugated to the will of an attractive woman. There is something exciting about it, something sort of risky and... I don't know, just sexy. I think many men turn to strip clubs or pornography to feed that craving of being fully entranced by a seductress. I would much prefer to satisfy that need by being locked up and driven wild by a loving wife who would never really hurt me, than get it from some computer screen. You've planted the seed and now I really want to try this. Uh oh. Now the question is, do I have the guts to tell my wife? I think she'd pounce on an opportunity like this.
    Cheers!

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  6. @Anonymous 8:48: You hit it on the head. When I wrote this letter is was sort of my *own* experience with opening up and embracing my DH's fantasies. It turned out wonderful for the both of us, including a lot of surprise benefits for me. As I think of it in the broader picture, however, the more important story here is that we took a risk to help *him* experience his fantasies. He's actually living his dreams now, and that is the most important thing.

    Any woman reading about the great side effects may want to put her man under lock and key right away. I think you're right that it's really only going to work if it plays into his sexual desires to submit something to his woman. If not then it's just going to be manipulation and not very fun at all.

    Having said that, I think there are a lot of men out there who may have this fetish and not even know it. My DH thinks it's more common among men in high-stress jobs or positions of power. If you like the idea of this game, it's possible that a little gentle exploration into the idea could ignite something. Also, DH says the game is much more exciting when the wife initiates things. He goes wild when I take charge and lock him up, instead of him having to ask to be locked up. I mean, if he's asking and begging, then he's really in charge and driving it, not me. Therefore, it's possible there are men out there wishing their wives would take control, afraid to ruin the fantasy by asking for it.

    Now it is possible, although I bet it's pretty rare, that there is a woman out there who has the fantasy of locking her guy up. If so, you too deserve to have your fantasies explored. Tell him what you want and how it makes you feel and he may be willing to give it a go to help you experience your own fantasy.

    -Original Poster

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    1. I wish more women were like you.

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  7. Hello!

    I was googling around and stumbled across this and thought I really had to comment.

    I am man in a very loving marriage of two years (been together for nine) and until last year never thought for a second that I'd be prepared to be locked up in some chastity cage. What a weird thought!! What kind of freaks would do that!! Etc. etc.

    I have always loved pleasing my wife sexually and the ultimate foray into male chastity did kind of stem from a little exploration into BDSM. I like strong women and felt an association with that at the time, which led to me finding out about male chastity (and being surprised at what a turn-on the idea was).

    I introduced the idea of my wife making the rules in bed; even of her being allowed an orgasm during sex while I was not. I found the power play intensely erotic - and so did she, as it turns out, though I think she felt somewhat guilty about it.

    The chastity thing was something different - I found the idea intensely erotic but scary and difficult to broach at the same time. I brought it up once or twice and my wife would joke about "locking me up" as a punishment. The reality is that it's not a punishment - it's a lifestyle. As my wife's control in bed grew, I had the confidence to order a device. She found it a bit bizarre at first but was willing to give it a try.

    After a few false starts I think the turning point came when I made it very clear to my wife how much *she* could get out of the experience. All locked up and nowhere to go, I channel all of the sexual energy I would otherwise have dribbled away into fussing my wife - giving her massages, etc. Even a simple kiss is now also a huge turn-on for me. All the extra attention and all that control has now made my wife a huge fan of having me locked up.

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  8. CONT

    I have a *very* high sex drive; my wife's is somewhat lower. Putting her in total unequivocal control prevents arguments, and actually gets me *more* sexual attention than I was getting before. Sure, I might not orgasm, but for me the whole process is more important, she now things about sex a LOT more, and when I do get release it is spectacular. I als love the fact my wife is now the only person who can give me thst pleasure.

    She is also becoming incredibly adept at teasing me. Being "locked and left" is not the way to go and breeds resentment. Before our chastity experiment my wife had never brought me to orgasm with her hands, as she was too nervous, and I was too nervous of letting her down. Last week all that changed. As she was stroking me (quite expertly now after having given me no small measure of attention over the previous month) she told me that she was going to count down form ten and then stop and lock me up for another week, no matter what. Just as she reached one the inevitable happened. That was another big turning point, I think.

    My wife has been through a LOT of difficulties recently and I know for a fact that this has helped her grow in confidence. She is almost like a different woman in many ways. The key she wears around her neck (not the actual padlock key which is ragther ugly) symbolises her power over me and her power over her own life.

    This week we both signed a contract which cements our agreement. I have no right to amend the agreement and must give her six months' notice if I want to end the experiment. She can end it at any time. We find this showed to each other how much we really want to continue experimenting with the lifestyle.

    It's about exciting sexual activities, sure, but it's just added another element to our relationship. I'm a strong man too, with a very stressful job, and it's fantastic to be able to "let go" and entrust such a personal part of me to my darling wife. (I do also associate with having awkward hang-ups around girls when I was younger... but then who doesn't! Maybe one reason why it's becoming so popular!)

    It's far from being a seedy or sordid thing, and we practice it without any "yes mistress, I'll lick your boots mistress" stuff - it's just another part of our relationship.

    It's freaking weird but fantastic at the same time.

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  9. @Anonymous 1:27,

    That's wonderful that you had such a positive experience and that your wife was able to enjoy this play/lifestyle with you. I think you're so right that many fantasies are very one-sided. One partner gets all the benefits or pleasures and the other partner is either bored or is sacrificing in some way. Male chastity play is one of those fantasies that can be very pleasurable (albeit frustrating) for the man who has the fantasy, but also very rewarding and beneficial for the woman who is playing along. It's pretty amazing.

    I also really liked how you mentioned that it can be played (if that's the right term) all by itself. It doesn't need to be accompanied by BDSM activities like boot licking, whips, chains, etc. Of course if someone *wanted* to include those activities that would be fine too.

    Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds just like our story and so many others that I have run across in the past few months. You are a lucky man to get to live out your fantasies with such an amazing wife.

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  10. This post read like an incredibly cheesy anonymous letter to a girly magazine.

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  11. Ha, maybe so but we're not all as kinky as you @Anonymous 10:17. Some of us like a little mild chastity play with lots of romance and without all the whips & stuff.

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  12. So have any other girls really tried this with your guys after reading this? I think this is kinda very hot and showed the story to the hub. He said "I wouldnt last a day without being able to touch myself." But he did NOT say no! I remember! Lol

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  13. We're trying it and so far it's been a blast. We got a 6000 about three weeks ago. We took it slow at first by locking DH up for just one day at first. I teased him, he squirmed, he was fascinated by the sensation and a good time was had by all. Then we took a break for a week and just pondered our experience. Then, one day he came to me and said he wanted to play some more. So we did a two-day stint, followed by a short break, then a four-day stint. Now he is working on an 8-day sentence and is as sexually frustrated as I've ever seen him (a very good thing). For me it's a lot of fun to tease him and to get to call some of the shots in the bedroom. For him it has been very exciting to give up some control and not know when I will let him free. If your hubster think's it's interesting you should give it a shot. We're LOVING it.

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  14. Glad you guys are loving it! We're still going and our experience with male chastity has never been better. I can't speak for everyone who has tried it but it just keeps getting more exciting and more fun for us.

    One thing becomes clearer to me the more we learn and talk to other couples who are experimenting with male chastity. That is that everyone does it for slightly different reasons. Many just do it because it's romantic. Others do it to kick a porn habit or for other practical reasons. The "50 Shades" fans do it because it's kinky (to them). Some do it as a way to demonstrate mastery over the body. I think most folks, ourselves included, do it for some combination of these things. Furthermore, that blend seems to change as time goes by.

    By the way, given all the media attention its getting, I would love to see a post about 50 Shades.

    -Original Poster

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  15. I think this would be a great Fathers Day gift. What to get for the man who has everything? A CB-6000! Then ever subsequent year is easy. Just promise to unlock him and he will be happier than receiving any tie or video game you could ever buy.

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  16. We would be considered "normal" folks playing this game. We have been married much longer, and while we were happy our intimacy grew stale as it does with many couples. We looked into ways to heat things up, happened upon chastity and gave it a try. We stumbled when we started a few years ago, but we found our way to the right devices, and I got used to wearing one (we have several devices). We were both rather embarrassed in the beginning, but now find it very rewarding to play our game of chaste attentive husband and happy key holder. My wife has become good at making sure I can't find any of the keys. For the holidays I purchased a necklace she wanted, which she often wears around our house to hold one of those elusive keys to give my frustration a boost. This is all by mutual consent, and should only be done by adult couples who trust each other. For fun, my wife often discusses whether she should mention our game to her cousin, whom she is close to like a sister. But this is a tease as well.

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  17. As a guy, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually think I'd let my wife lock me up like this if she thought it would be fun. Although as a Christian, I have to warn against even those fantasies of having a third person involved in the marriage bed. Even aside from spiritual beliefs, this is playing with fire. I do see the erotic appeal in chastity play and enjoyed this story, but it should be all about the husband and wife.

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    1. As a hedonist married to a bisexual woman we had a threesome with her girlfriend for 35 years and we prospered and lived the good life. Our marriage is on its 43rd year and going strong. I am currently locked up for the next two months. I highly recommend fantasizing and even a third into your marriage. 35 years having sex with two woman was fantastic. Now we have gone the opposite way with Chastity.

      Delete
  18. @Anonymous July 15, 2012 10:43,

    I agree that it can be dangerous to mess around with adding people to a couples' intimace. Way to go for being so open to trying chastity play, though. You should have your wife read this article. :)

    I told a friend of mine about this recently and she thought it was a hoot. She told her fiance and he laughed and laughed and said "there's no way in heck you'll get me in one of those things." After that he wouldn't let it go, always joking about it, saying when they got married he was going to sleep with one eye open in case she tried to put him in one. Of course she played along and teased him about it.

    Apparently it made a deeper impression than he realized because one day he told her that when they got married that he didn't want sex to get boring and that he was willing to give the chastity device a try if she wanted to. She said she was just playing around and that she didn't REALLY want to do it. But it seems like the more he thought about it the more he was drawn to the idea like a moth to a flame. He started to really crave being locked up by his fiance.

    At this point she was sort of freaking out because the wedding was almost a month away. She came to me for advice (since I told her about chastity in the first place) and I said she should give it a try. I helped her pick out a CB-6000 starter device and she presented it to him on his half birthday during a candle-lit dinner. She said it would help them avoid temptation before the wedding (since they were waiting to have sex until after marriage).

    I'm not privy to all the details but I know it has been going well. She LOVES teasing him and getting him panting to be unlocked. She told him she isn't unlocking him until the honeymoon and he agreed. I'm helping her choose out a nice metal device (the same one my guy wears) and it's going to be our wedding present to them.

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    Replies
    1. So is the chastity thing still working for them? Did he get tired of it eventually?

      Delete
  19. Great article. I wish more women understood the things that you were brave enough to research and try. I hope this gets around... many couples would gain from this knowledge

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  20. I'm coming late - very late - to this, but I just got word that I was referenced in one of the other posts on this. I just wanted to weigh in on something that I noticed.

    The second comment on this post was this:

    This whole idea makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot imagine anything more emasculating. I know, "different strokes" and all, but this seems so unhealthy. It feels to me like a cross between BDSM and castration. What's next? Cuckolding?

    I can understand how the wife would be frustrated by her husband's problems with sexual expression and premature ejaculation. However, there are a hundred ways to deal with those issues in a manner that is a healthy sexual expression, and which does not involve literal bondage.


    Unfortunately, this is the kind of attitude that we see for many non-vanilla sexual encounters, and it comes from a lack of education, and an unwillingness (or inability) to see things from another point of view.

    My wife is Christian, but it doesn't stop her from wanting to be sexually creative, or to keep things interesting. We both (I repeat: both) enjoy this play, but we consider it anything but emasculating; in fact, it's because I'm a healthy, testosterone-filled manly man that she enjoys this so much: it gives her a feeling of power to control a very obvious (not to mention intimate) aspect of my sexuality.

    I've written about this on my own blog, but the bottom line is this: She wants to make sure that I’m ready for those occasions when she wants it, and she wants my manly, male energy tightly controlled so that she can focus it at her own discretion. To us, it's an erotic game, and has nothing to do with punishment or emasculation or anything else, except the opportunity to make things a little exciting after 20+ years of marriage.

    Sure, some people actually do combine chastity devices with other aspects, such as humiliation, cross-dressing, etc. But that doesn't make chastity play itself bad - it's just another sex toy. I'm even not suggesting that anyone else needs to do this; it just so happens that a little bit of erotic power exchange is something that works for us.

    BTW, great blog. Keep up the nice work.

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  21. Here's the direction I'm going with this. We will use the device in play, but she'll remove it after only a few minutes of wear. 8(. Last week though, she put the key on a necklace (w/other trinkets) and jingled it when I came home from work. I said, "Yes ma'am" and put it on-4 hours later, best sex ever.

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  22. Another thought on this...I travel quite a bit and am away from my wife. I have a good amount of self-control, however, I need a little reminder to help me. I put on the device almost immediately when I arrive in the hotel room at night to not have a release. She would understand if I did, but this works for me. I hold the key, but I have to think twice before I do anything. Am I the only husband that does this? Please, no smart remarks, this works for me.

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  23. I only wanna say thank you for this information in this article about my lovelife and the tips you wrote. I think this is a good advice that you give me.

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  24. Thank you for this article. I found it reassuring that other normal couples enjoy this practice.

    I've been fascinated by enforced chastity for years. My wife is finally warming up to it and is enjoying herself as well.

    Thank you again for such a good article.

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  25. This content is nice content. I like very much this content. Thanks for shearing......
    Chastity Devices

    ReplyDelete
  26. (Guy here, no seriously, I'm a guy)


    I think your article is wonderful. I appreciate how you have written your post in a manner that displays male chastity as something about trust and love, rather than the idea which many outsiders have of it being mistrust.

    What I mean by that is some people who do not understand male chastity see it as a way of physically preventing him from betraying you (mistrust). Whether she considers betrayal as masturbation or having sex with other women, it doesn't matter, that's not what it's about for most.

    You have written this article the way I think most men who partake in chastity also see it, about trust. When a man asks a woman to lock him up, he's asking to become completely emotionally and physically vulnerable to her. The man trusts her to the degree that he will surrender his orgasm to only her, to let her control the best physical feeling in his life. He trusts her to take that responsibility with humility and love.

    Sex and trust are the foundations of love in the strongest relationships. Chastity is a erotic way to explore the greatest depths of these two qualities. Chastity will certainly bring the relationship to a much deeper and more intimate place than before, and both partners will trust and love each other more for it.

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  27. I loved this article. My wife and I do the very same thing. I hlso have a CB-6000 and it is absolutly confortable. She has me put it together but she locks the lock and holds the key. She has me wear it for days, a week, sometimes even more. Seems the longer I wear it the more aroused I become. She too will make the little comments and that's part of the fun. She is a wonderful tease. She loves to have me watch as she plays with her toys, and then times I pleasure her with her toys as she enjoys the attention. So erotic. It was all my idea too, and when she saw what it was and how erotic and fun it could be, she was a natural. BTW, when she does let me out after some time of being caged, explosive orgasm...over the top!!!

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  28. My husband and I recently had these conversations! Honestly, he, as wonderful as he is, would not stop touching himself. Often times he would be unable to perform when the two of us had the time to make love because of previous "play time". He introduced the idea, as I've been loving it. He can't touch himself and he LOVES that he can't do anything without it being almost painful (imagine putting your hand in a too small mitten and trying to make a fist inside, then amplify that discomfort by a lot). He still has to pleasure and satisfy me. I will say, the passion is way turned on. The simple things like the way my hips sway when I walk, or bending over (not even trying to be sexy while doing it) have become HUGE turn ons for him. Theres also the fact thr he cannot stop telling me how beautiful and attractive and sexy he finds me, and won't keep his hands off me and has become an even more wonderful comforter when I have a hard day. This is huge for someone whose love language is a tie between physical touch and words of affirmation. Especially when my husband scores almost 0s on those two categories!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Becky,

      I was just wondering if you could please provide an update as to how things have been going with you and your husband. I wish more women were like you ;)

      Delete
  29. Hmmm, this sounds like it could be a lot of fun...

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  30. I've tried it with my wife and it can be a lot of fun. Just needs the openness to discuss and try it.

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  31. Let me preface my comment with this: I am a straight, married male but, more importantly and for the sake of this comment, I am a paid researcher.

    As a researcher, it's my job to find, identify and connect dots in a very methodical and consistent way. Being that my brain has been trained to think in this way over the years, I decided to conduct a VERY personal research project.

    As is the case with any research project, the first thing I did was to look at the known facts. Fact #1: My wife loves when I am romantic and attentive. Fact #2: I am only romantic and attentive when I feel like being romantic and attentive. Fact #3: I only feel like being romantic and attentive when I "yearn" for my wife. Hypothesis: In order to keep my wife feeling romantically satisfied (or keep her "love tank" full), I have to figure out a way to remain in a state of "yearning".

    Realizing the above conclusion led me to sitting down with my wife and telling her that it was really important to me that she felt completely fulfilled in our marriage. I want her to be smiling from ear to ear, all day and all night. Seeing her like this makes me the happiest person alive. No, she can't always have "her way" because this isn't a dictatorship, but she certainly has a husband who is more willing to listen to her before offering an opinion or solution.

    Neither my wife nor I like the idea of "sissifying" or humiliating each other. It doesn't appeal to either one of us. My wife likes her men to be "men". This leads to the question: What defines being a "man"? In our society, a "man" is commonly referred to as a human being (with a penis) who does what he wants, says what he wants and always has the last say in his marriage/romantic relationship. The term "man up" comes to mind. Now, maybe that is what some women like in a husband, but for my wife, she doesn't see it that way. To her, a man is a person who listens to her when she talks, thinks about her needs, both physical and emotional, provides support in whatever way possible, etc. These are the reasons that led to us experimenting with chastity.

    My wife and I have an arrangement that says that I only wear the chastity device if one of two situations presents itself. First, I don't wear the chastity device unless I feel that it's an absolute necessity. Let me quickly explain: The ultimate goal is to not ejaculate for a period of time. Therefore, if I begin to feel an urge to force that ejaculation, I tell her. And I don't tell her because she demands that I tell her, but because I want to keep being attentive as a husband. Ejaculating doesn't mean that I won't be attentive, it just means that I won't be AS attentive. This seems to be true with most men. The other situation is if SHE feels it's necessary. If I begin to get in a mood that makes her feel unwanted, I've given the "okay" for her to lock me up in those instances. When those instances arrive, I don't argue...I just say "okay". My guy friends would call me a "bitch", but I can promise you that my wife is happier than theirs.

    I'm still in the process of connecting the dots, but as a couple, we are much happier today than we've ever been (except for maybe when we were dating). Not to mention that this is beginning to have a positive impact on elements that are outside of my marriage.

    Original author, thank you for taking the time to articulate your thoughts and sharing your experiences publicly. It was a very encouraging, realistic and good read. Stories like yours need to be seen by more "normal" people to combat the common "chains and whips" perception that most people have when it comes to this topic.

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  32. Gotta say, this is prolly the most interesting and fascinating article on this site. Or any site. :) It's got me thinking... who can I lock up... ;)

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  33. OK, we are so trying this! We are still in college and we're basically newlyweds (married last November). He loves me to tie him up (nothing too crazy) but our little apartment has very thin walls and we live in a VERY conservative college town. Last summer (before we were married) we played a little with some handcuffs. I would handcuff him to a tree when I went into my evening class (2 1/2 hours!) each night. I hated that class but loved the idea that he was just outside, helplessly waiting for me. A few times I had to ignore him and walk right past after class because my classmates were chatting with me. I hat to cirle aruond and come get him later.

    It was pretty dark at that time and we thought he would be hidden in the bushes but campus security eventually caught him out there one night. They thought he was a stalker or something but he managed to convince them his buddies were playing a prank on him. ANYWAY that put a damper on our adventures. We think this chastity device play might allow us to have a little fun on campus without getting caught.

    Also, I'll be going to Europe several times over the next year to complete my MA. The uni pays my ticket but we can't afford to fly my hubby out there every time and he has his own studies anyway. So I'm thinking I'll lock him up during my first trip this summer which is about three weeks long. I'm really looking forward to teasing him over the phone and keeping him on his toes. I have so many devious ideas in my head to keep it fun for both of us.

    If that goes well I have another trip at the end of the year that is two months long. Then, some time before I graduate I need to do an internship. If I get the one I want it will be a 6-month stint in London. If he could work up to being locked that whole time it would be super cool. The thought of him being constantly on the edge for me for so long it really exciting.

    Hmmm, if this works out then by the time we graduate he will have spent more of our marriage locked up than free. Very nice! Wish us luck!

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  34. Me again! I just booked my trip to the UK for Aug 7-29. We've only got a couple weeks to work out this new chasity game and make sure the device will fit. We got a CB-6000 in the mail yesterday and so far it's pretty good. He got a rude awakening this morning at 5:30 with the whole...um you know. If this one is too uncomfortable for sleeping in the mornings we may try another one but we're running out of time.

    I've been thinking about safety. I started to get worried about what would happen if he needed out for some emergency. I can't really think of what that would be but, you know, girls worry. I'm planning to tie one of the spare keys to the inside of a bush or shrub by a little thread. He will have no idea which one and there are hundreds in our neighborhood. If he really needs to be set free while I'm gone he can text me and I can text back which shrub his key is in. Just an idea.

    Anyway, we're giddy with excitement. Ciao!

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    Replies
    1. Glad to see a young lady adopting such a wonderful lifestyle. It's not everyday I see a woman embracing this lifestyle, even though it really is to the benefit of all women if you think about it.

      Anyway, I just wanted to suggest that you purchase a more secure chastity device. There are steel devices out there that actually attach to genital piercings and make it virtually impossible for him to slip out of and "cheat", something that is notorious with plastic devices like the CB-6000. The steel devices are considerably more expensive, but well worth your peace of mind. Most women I've heard from who've chosen chastity for their men said they wish they discovered steel sooner and never wasted their time with plastic.

      I strongly suggest you take him to a good piercer as soon as possible and get a Prince Albert style piercing. Once it has fully healed after a few weeks, go to chastitytube.com, a site run by Miss Lori, a woman devoted to keeping guys chaste for their ladies, and order a new steel chastity device from her that hooks onto his new Prince Albert genital piercing. Also, the lock she uses in the devices she makes is a special tiny screw that can only be unlocked using the key. She is so devoted to ensuring guys stay chaste for their ladies that she refuses to send spare keys to any guy requesting it without his lady's permission.

      As far as emergencies are concerned, oh please, wanting to masturbate is never an emergency. If it's a real emergency, believe me, the ER can cut off. With male chastity, it's important to never give in to his whining. He is just going to have to accept the fact that you are his wife and his sexuality belongs to you now. You will not tolerate masturbation or disobedience. If he wants an orgasm, he is going to have to earn it through chores, romantic gestures, and great oral sex. If he is disobedient, he must be punished by prolonging his stay in chastity and even using corporal punishment when needed. Trust me, if you whip him on his balls a few times for whining about being chaste, he will not whine again. He must learn through positive and negative reinforcement.

      This really is going to be life changing for you. You will never have to cook or clean ever again. You will also get more orgasms through oral and strap on (dildo) than you could have ever imagined and you will have the most romantic husband constantly showering you with gifts, affection, and compliments about how beautiful and sexy you are. I guarantee that you will never ever go back to the way things were.

      Good luck and please let me know how it's going. I'll be checking the site periodically and will gladly help you along the way as you become his queen!

      Delete
    2. So how did it go? Did you work out the sleeping problems?

      Delete
  35. Hi all,

    I'm very curious about this topic. My wife and I have never discussed male chastity devices, but we have noticed how much more attentive I am after a few days. This article has me thinking this may be something fun to try, if my wife is open to the idea.

    If the original poster is still around, I'd really love to know how things have worked out. Is this still something you and your husband enjoy, or was it just fun for a little while?

    Thanks! Fun thread for sure.

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  36. Great write up, thank you for sharing! My husband said he would try it too so we’ve been looking up information as well. I just read a related article https://www.slixa.com/late-night/451-male-chastity-and-orgasm-control-the about how erotic, romantic and sexy it can be for a man to have this device to control his orgasm. What a great invention, I can’t wait to try it!

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    Replies
    1. Did you guys ever try male chastity play? How did it go? I'm looking to try it with my guy too.

      Delete
  37. I thought if I were going to post here, at least I should not be totally anonymous. I have been practicing chastity from a different perspective. I am single, with no significant other. I too began to feel that my masturbation was 'getting out of hand'.
    What I have elected to do is use an online key holder. I will upload a picture of a changeable combination on a wall mounted lockbox to this online key holding website. I then put both keys to my lock in the box, close the lid and scramble the combination. I purposely located this box on a wall in my house that I frequently have to pass by, so I can see it as another reminder of what I can not have for an undetermined amount of time.

    Here is a bit more detail. I take a picture of the combination, then upload it through my computer to the online keyholder, and immediately delete the image from both my camera, and computer. When setting the parameters on the online keyholder I will place a certain amount of weeks in, but then look away and just tap numbers at random for the number of days, and hours while not looking. I can also set the online holder to randomly, but approximately release the combination numbers to me. I can also set it to totally hide the release date, and time. This way I know the number of weeks, but not days I am forbidden access to my combination, keys, and 'other things'. Yes in an emergency I can access a code to release the picture early, and even this can be omitted which I have done sometimes to add some fear factor to this. The truth is, a person can cut off the lock with a cheap set of bolt cutters if needed, so it's really not that risky. Watching for circulation of said area is the most important part.

    Feelings of dismay at not being able to touch down there were felt, and expected. What I missed most was not feeling shower water hitting me there was the unexpected surprise. I also did not realize how much I touched myself while showering until after access was taken away by myself, and my computer. Eliminating my access through self imposed chastity for various amounts of time has definitely been a positive step for me to have taken, I would not consider it a negative, and I do not regret it at all. I am certainly more focused on other aspects of my life now. If a person or couple are intelligent enough to keep the health aspects of this in mind, I do recommend at least trying it.

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  38. Me and my wife have been doeing doing this for the last four years. Normaly I am locked up for at least seven days but it has on occasions been a month when she realy wants to drive me nuts. She takes great pleasure in teasing me. And stroking her pet through the bars of its cage. To those of you who dont understand. Its not the fact that you cant orgasm. Its that its delayed untill your wife decides when its time.her teasing keeps bringing me right to the edge but I am unable to go any further. But then she might do this a number of times a day. Something I could never manage if permited to go all the way. And as to added intamacy. Yes we do kiss and cuddle a lot more. She has admitted herself that she no longer worries that a bit of heavy petting may go further than she wants. So did not let it get started and then worried how I felt if she did not respond. She is now in control and decides how far it gos and I understand that.put another way its like the feeling you had when you were a child waiting for xmas all the exitement and anticipation before the big day. But once its done a bit of an anti climax. Male chastity prolongs that anticipation. Yes being brought to the edge is not quite the same but my wife has learnt how to keep me at the edge for ages and bring me back time and again. Its worth it

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  39. My wife and I have played with this for a while now, but I'm definitely providing the impetus. I've tried to explain to her that being "mean" (teasing, fondling, maybe allowing climax/maybe not) is actually being very nice! I think the idea is so foreign to her that she has a hard time acting on it.

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  40. My wife and I have been using a chastity device off and on for the past 5 years. We just started a blog about it. Feel free to check it out lockedformrs

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    Replies
    1. I tried to find your blog but it looks like it's gone. :(

      Delete
  41. I just recently started wearing a cage. After 20 years of marriage which failed because I was too selfish and focused upon my own pleasure, often at her expense as I masturbated my way to temporary oblivion over some inanimate picture on the internet, I voluntarily put on a cage.

    Today is my third day with it on and it is there to a) break two bad habits - porn and self gratification, and b) teach me that my pleasure does not belong to me.

    I don't have a girl friend but do have a female who is my best friend who is my key holder. She knows full well the reasons behind this and is the one who suggested a cage.

    So, wish me luck.

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    Replies
    1. Good luck to you! You're in for a fun and exciting journey.

      Delete
  42. Wow! My husband has been asking for stuff like this for years and I've always changed the subject. After he gets off he sort of forgets about it for a while. After reading this article and some of the comments I'm thinking we've been missing out something that could be a lot of fun. I may have to give this a try.

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  43. I gave my Wife a CB-2000 before we wed. as a gag gift. I gave it to her a gag gift and promised I would wear it when ever she wanted. I gave it to her because her previous live in boyfriend and husband before him both left her for the other women they were having sex with.
    Over the next six years we upgraded to a CB-6000S and she slowly started requiring me to wear it more and more until it was fulltime. The past eight years have been fulltime.
    This once demure church going Wife of mine that I never thought would like anything like this has embraced so wholeheartedly that I wish I never started it, but I feel like there is no going back.
    I know she will never allow it.

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    Replies
    1. I'm in a similar situation. Trying chastity play was my idea. I had seen it online and I thought it was a turn-on. I liked the idea of wanting to be free, of struggling against the device but of having to wait until she let me out. I shared the fantasy with her and she was sort of "meh" about it. She didn't really want to spend the money on it but I reminded her how much her vibrator costed so she relented and said if it was what I wanted then let's go for it. We bought one from mature metal and got it all figured out.

      I think she enjoyed ribbing me as we tried working through the instructions, which made me more excited, which made it harder to put on, which gave her even more ammo to tease me about. I was surprised at how tricky it was to put on but we eventually got it worked out.

      The excitement of locking it on and handing over the keys to her was unparalleled. I can still remember how my hands shook. I think women must have a innate ability to tease because she just kept letting the zingers fly. She wouls say things like, "I guess I better get that wall adapter for my vibrator after all. I'm going to need it now" or "I bet you never thought your parents would getting more sex than you..." This wasn't even her fantasy and she probably wasn't turned on by it like I was but she seemed to naturally know that she should be taunting me about it. That's probably most of the turn-on for me, being teased and denied.

      Being locked up turned out to be much harder than I thought. You're horny all the time and you just want out... but you're stuck. After being locked up for about three days I tend to want to be with her all the time, always touching her and wanting to hold her. I get an increasingly strong desire to connect sexually with her, to do or talk about anything sexy and to turn her on. Since I'm locked up that usually means convincing her to let me go down on her. It gets to the point where I'm going down on her once in the morning and once in the evening, just about every day. I think for the most part she enjoys the attention and affection. I used to play way too much XBox and it would bug her. Now she gets all the attention she can handle.

      Anyway, as you and others have reported, over time things change and it's come to the point where she's not just playing a game anymore. We went from keeping me locked for a few days to a few weeks. As the time gets longer I start to genuinely want out, to quit the game and go back to "normal." At the same time she has started to genuninely want to keep me locked up. The weirdness factor has worn off for her and it just seems normal and natural. In fact, I think she actually gets off on it now, she actually gets turned on by saying "no" and watching me squirm. She often tells me to just enjoy my fantasy and not to ask to be released so much because it isn't going to happen as much anymore. I'm constantly trying to make bargains or find reasons for her to let me out. Just usually just replies with "You're cute" or "nice try" or "But I can make you do that anyway" or "but this is so much fun" or "but you wouldn't want to dissappoint me, would you?" or "don't you get tired of fighting it? Why not just accept it?" I think her desire to keep me locked up is probably the most "secure" aspect of chastity play. That's what keeps me from taking a grinder to the steel cage (that and the fear of cutting myself).

      So I'm sort of stuck in this limbo world, loving and hating my fantasy. I brought it on myself and I often wish I hadn't gone down this road but just as often I'm super glad I did and that I have such an amazing woman.

      Delete
  44. Last summer while lying in bed and role playing the topic of orgasm denial came up a number of times. My husband Jim always wanted me to deny him or make him wait while I teased him. For the longest time I didn't catch on until one night both of us sitting in front of the computer screen watched a video, the husband wearing a chastity cage.
    We talked about it for weeks while I read everything I could about the device. It wasn't too long before I ordered one from an online service.
    Sitting on the foot rest he stood in front of me while I worked the device on him. He got tense & made it easy to slip the cage over his skin & I set the lock in place.
    That night the sexual fun intensified in our home. The bliss followed only within only days.
    The many blogs and articles I read were developing right at my feet. The sexual satisfaction I derived was ten fold & even more at times.
    His fantasy of being my sex toy came to pass. My fantasy of being spoiled has contined to this day.
    The cage comes off when I want it to come off. The pleasure I request last until I have had my fill.
    His orgasm is regulated to a time and manner of my choosing, maybe a bit painful & frustrating for him yet he survives.
    If your reading this, consider this. At least give it a try. Bliss I have found in our bedroom

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  45. I have introduced my wife to male chastity and she thinks it is kind of weird. I purchased a CB-6000 and fitted my self and started wearing off and on weekends. I have given her the key for the second time this weekend and told her that I need her help in controlling my masturbating. I am hope that she realizes that I am wearing my device for her benifit also. We dont have sex that often and I constantly have sexual cravings so I hope that chastity will help show my devotion to her.

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