Hello my fellow GwenInLove readers! Lauren here from reallifeexpatwife.blogspot.com. As usual, I was reading through Gwen’s blog and came across her post asking for guest bloggers. As soon as I read the request for someone to write about “How to Enjoy Sex through Infertility”, I jumped at the chance. Here’s our story.
My husband Jason and I have been married for a year and a half. I am 28 and he is 40. We met while dressed up at a Halloween party and had no clue of our age difference until our very first date where I found out more about him than I had bargained for. During that date, he spilled the beans about previously being married for 17 years, having two teenagers and about his divorce. I’m not sure if he told me that night or soon thereafter but he also made mention of the fact that he was snipped at the ripe old age of 20 thinking that he was done (he was a young daddy). I wasn’t concerned in the slightest because I had just gotten out of my previous relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. It didn’t even phase me because “it wasn’t like I was going to marry him, right?” It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?
After dating for a little over a month, Jason told me that he was being transferred to Singapore for work. We discussed parting ways shortly after he found out so neither of us would get too attached or hurt but neither of us were ready because we were having so much fun. During one discussion I jokingly said, “Well, why don’t I just come with you then?” He said that if I was serious, he would make it happen. Three months later, in March, we were engaged. Then off we went to Singapore in April. We were so in love, happily engaged, and seeking adventure without a care in the world. We spoke about having our very own family one day and were very excited with what the future would hold.
When we spoke about having kids (before we were married) we planned that Jason would have a vasectomy reversal the fall after our wedding. It can take up to a year for the procedure to work and we knew we wanted kids sooner than later. Jason had it stuck in his head that he is an old man and didn’t want to look like the Grandpa at their high school graduation (like that could ever happen!). At this point, we had moved from Singapore and were living in Salzburg, Austria so we started researching doctors who were experienced in the field. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at 27 years old I would be hoping, praying to have a miracle baby with my sweet husband. In November 2011, Jason had his procedure done. After seeing the pain he went through I couldn’t help but think how much he loves me. Seriously, I felt so bad for him and wish that pain on no one. The doctor told us that because he is so young and healthy, it would most likely work and that when he felt better we could start going at it. When Jason finally let me near that region, we starting trying. It was so fun and exciting thinking that this time could be it. Rather than being discouraged, each month brought more excitement because it just had to work sooner or later. The doctor said so. I must have taken six or seven pregnancy tests before I started to feel like something just wasn’t right. Why was something that was supposed to be so right feel so wrong?
We went back to the doctor the following summer and found out that the procedure didn’t work yet and that he was still shooting blanks. Here’s the kicker though- the doctor said that it could clear out and work eventually or maybe it just didn’t work at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it wouldn’t work. It had to work. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was tossed around in the very beginning but I was just certain that the reversal would work. We talked about our options and decided that instead of waiting to see if it would eventually work (maybe the goop just didn’t clear out of the pipes yet) that we would start our road through IVF. We decided that we would enjoy the summer and if I still wasn’t pregnant come the end of August, we would start IVF in September.
In June, we came back to the States and found an amazing doctor we wanted to work with. Jason had his little procedure done (called a sperm aspiration) and all his little guys were frozen in case we needed them come September. I’m surprised he even let a needle near that area again. See, I told you he loves me!!
August eventually came and I was still not pregnant. We came back to the States in September where I went through my exams, rounds of fertility drugs, and then had my egg retrieval and finally the egg transfer. Can I just tell you how emotional the process was? Especially the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) to see if the egg/s actually took. I took two pregnancy tests trying not to be discouraged before getting my BFP (big fat positive)!!
So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. Looking back at all of the obstacles that we had to go through to get to this point, I am reminded how blessed I am and that each and every baby is a miracle no matter how it gets here. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish we could have a baby the “normal” way but going through something like this has made our relationship so much stronger and will forever tell our child how much he or she was wanted.
With that being said, we thoroughly enjoyed each other through out our whole infertility adventure because we never knew when or if his reversal would work. We figured if it was meant to be, it would be. So who knows, after this little one maybe by the grace of God his reversal will have unclogged and maybe, just maybe we can get pregnant again the natural way. All I know is that after baby number two, Jason said he is going to get snipped again. I can’t even believe this crazy talk of him wanting someone to yet again mess with his manhood. I mean who knows, what if he wants more? ;)
So the moral of the story is, just keep on loving each other. Enjoy each embrace, each intimate moment together because you never know when or how your little miracle baby will get here. Best of luck to those who are planning to be or are on this crazy journey. I know exactly how you feel and wish you nothing but tons of baby dust!! Much love to you all. xx