Showing posts with label Guest Blogger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guest Blogger. Show all posts

2.06.2013

Guest Post: Taking Matters Into My Own Hands


Let me start by saying that my husband and I have always had a great sex life, but along the way we’ve learned that we can always use improvement in order to make our sex life even more fun and exciting. After nearly 10 years of marriage and two kids later, I can say something that I never thought I’d say  - masturbation has greatly improved our sex life.

I must preface this by saying that masturbation is relatively new for me. I didn’t masturbate growing up, and in our early years of marriage, I didn’t give it any consideration. My husband had a regular habit of masturbating (of course!) and when we were engaged, he wanted me to get a vibrator in hopes that I would start my own habit of masturbating. So I purchased a vibrator. Not for myself but for him, and I still remember how unattractive it was. It was big, pink and just plain ugly. Needless to say its services were never put to use. 

Fast-forward a few years. After having our first child, we revisited the vibrator topic. As you know, intercourse is out of the question both physically and mentally for those first few postpartum weeks, but once the romance starts to return and the sex drive is heating back up, let’s face it, sex is still not that great. About four weeks after our first child, I was ready to go, but sex was often uncomfortable and even painful at times.

As a result, we went on the search for a new sexier vibrator, but this time it was me who wanted it; I wasn’t simply doing it for my husband. It was the best purchase we have ever made for our sex life, and it allowed me to see for the first time that sex toys can be sexy, fun, and very beneficial.

I am still not one to regularly masturbate alone, but I love doing it in conjunction with my husband. There are many occasions where neither of us feels like having sex, but the thought of only masturbating seems very appealing. No need to find the right position or worry about having enough time. It is fast, easy, and effective.

We masturbate together about twice a week, and it has improved our sex life in more ways than one. I have learned so much about my body through masturbation, including how to better use fantasy, how to have multiple orgasms, and how to better identify G-spot vs. clitoral orgasms. There is something empowering about taking my sexual needs into my own hands, literally.

As I look back, maybe I should have given that big, ugly vibrator a chance!


Check out the vibrator selection at Babeland! They even have a section for beginners! There are also some couple vibrators, mini, discreet and a whole bunch of other categories. The Hitachi Magic Wand is always a favorite as is the Siri if you need a place to start.

If you want a bit more guidance to self lovin check out this book.

1.19.2013

Guest Post: Lauren & Jason's Miracle Baby



Hello my fellow GwenInLove readers! Lauren here from reallifeexpatwife.blogspot.com. As usual, I was reading through Gwen’s blog and came across her post asking for guest bloggers. As soon as I read the request for someone to write about “How to Enjoy Sex through Infertility”, I jumped at the chance. Here’s our story.

My husband Jason and I have been married for a year and a half. I am 28 and he is 40. We met while dressed up at a Halloween party and had no clue of our age difference until our very first date where I found out more about him than I had bargained for. During that date, he spilled the beans about previously being married for 17 years, having two teenagers and about his divorce. I’m not sure if he told me that night or soon thereafter but he also made mention of the fact that he was snipped at the ripe old age of 20 thinking that he was done (he was a young daddy). I wasn’t concerned in the slightest because I had just gotten out of my previous relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. It didn’t even phase me because “it wasn’t like I was going to marry him, right?” It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?

After dating for a little over a month, Jason told me that he was being transferred to Singapore for work. We discussed parting ways shortly after he found out so neither of us would get too attached or hurt but neither of us were ready because we were having so much fun. During one discussion I jokingly said, “Well, why don’t I just come with you then?” He said that if I was serious, he would make it happen. Three months later, in March, we were engaged. Then off we went to Singapore in April. We were so in love, happily engaged, and seeking adventure without a care in the world. We spoke about having our very own family one day and were very excited with what the future would hold.

When we spoke about having kids (before we were married) we planned that Jason would have a vasectomy reversal the fall after our wedding. It can take up to a year for the procedure to work and we knew we wanted kids sooner than later. Jason had it stuck in his head that he is an old man and didn’t want to look like the Grandpa at their high school graduation (like that could ever happen!). At this point, we had moved from Singapore and were living in Salzburg, Austria so we started researching doctors who were experienced in the field. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at 27 years old I would be hoping, praying to have a miracle baby with my sweet husband. In November 2011, Jason had his procedure done. After seeing the pain he went through I couldn’t help but think how much he loves me. Seriously, I felt so bad for him and wish that pain on no one. The doctor told us that because he is so young and healthy, it would most likely work and that when he felt better we could start going at it. When Jason finally let me near that region, we starting trying. It was so fun and exciting thinking that this time could be it. Rather than being discouraged, each month brought more excitement because it just had to work sooner or later. The doctor said so. I must have taken six or seven pregnancy tests before I started to feel like something just wasn’t right. Why was something that was supposed to be so right feel so wrong?

We went back to the doctor the following summer and found out that the procedure didn’t work yet and that he was still shooting blanks. Here’s the kicker though- the doctor said that it could clear out and work eventually or maybe it just didn’t work at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it wouldn’t work. It had to work. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was tossed around in the very beginning but I was just certain that the reversal would work. We talked about our options and decided that instead of waiting to see if it would eventually work (maybe the goop just didn’t clear out of the pipes yet) that we would start our road through IVF. We decided that we would enjoy the summer and if I still wasn’t pregnant come the end of August, we would start IVF in September.

In June, we came back to the States and found an amazing doctor we wanted to work with. Jason had his little procedure done (called a sperm aspiration) and all his little guys were frozen in case we needed them come September. I’m surprised he even let a needle near that area again. See, I told you he loves me!! 

August eventually came and I was still not pregnant. We came back to the States in September where I went through my exams, rounds of fertility drugs, and then had my egg retrieval and finally the egg transfer. Can I just tell you how emotional the process was? Especially the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) to see if the egg/s actually took. I took two pregnancy tests trying not to be discouraged before getting my BFP (big fat positive)!!

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. Looking back at all of the obstacles that we had to go through to get to this point, I am reminded how blessed I am and that each and every baby is a miracle no matter how it gets here. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish we could have a baby the “normal” way but going through something like this has made our relationship so much stronger and will forever tell our child how much he or she was wanted.

With that being said, we thoroughly enjoyed each other through out our whole infertility adventure because we never knew when or if his reversal would work. We figured if it was meant to be, it would be. So who knows, after this little one maybe by the grace of God his reversal will have unclogged and maybe, just maybe we can get pregnant again the natural way. All I know is that after baby number two, Jason said he is going to get snipped again. I can’t even believe this crazy talk of him wanting someone to yet again mess with his manhood. I mean who knows, what if he wants more? ;)

So the moral of the story is, just keep on loving each other. Enjoy each embrace, each intimate moment together because you never know when or how your little miracle baby will get here. Best of luck to those who are planning to be or are on this crazy journey. I know exactly how you feel and wish you nothing but tons of baby dust!! Much love to you all. xx

6.14.2011

Reader Experience -- Overcoming Sexual Abuse

One of the biggest frustrations in my life hasn't been "the best way to please my husband." The majority has been the frustration of how to have a loving and romantic relationship when sexual abuse is a part of my past. There are many degrees of sexual abuse, and all of it affects your ability to fully open up your body to a loved one.

As backwards as it seems, many people who have endured sexual abuse blame themselves. The reason is not clear and even though I have done that, it still boggles my mind. No matter what kind of person you were, or the abuser was, it was not your fault. Ultimately it only matters on the kind of person you strive to be. If you want to be able to give your mind, body and soul to a loved one, then you can. It may take months or even years, but it is possible.

Talk to someone. Whether it be your spouse, a friend or a professional. Someone needs to know and be the sounding board for the things that burden your heart. You don't need to go into extensive detail of every little thing that has ever happened to you. Just share what effects it has on you now. I for one had a hard time letting my spouse touch me in a romantic way. Some ways I was touched, positions and even words reminded me of the pain I had gone through and I shut down. I could not perform sexually when feeling past violation creep up.

The biggest step to my healing was learning that my husband is not a past abuser. He is a loving and caring man and wouldn't hurt me in the same way. It is so important to separate the people you love in your life away from an abuser.

Abuse is a very painful and horrible topic. Being open and honest about do's don'ts and other things will make love making a little more loving and a little less painful. Let your spouse in on the things that burden you in bed so that he can help you through it. And most of all, enjoy your spouse.

5.23.2011

Guest Blogger -- Unwanted Porn Use in Marriage


Pornography is always a hard topic to talk about. You never know how people feel about it. In a marriage it can be extremely dangerous. So what's the key to keeping your romance life in check when your spouse is "keeping their jollies to themselves?"

First off is recognizing the signs. If your spouse has no desire to have sex, I believe that would be the first sign. If they keep to themselves a lot, don't let you check their browser history or often delete it, those would also be sure signs. Also if they used to have a high sex drive but "seem" to not anymore, I'd keep an eye out for it. So let's say they do look at pornography. Now is the time that you take the next step. Confrontation.


Just ask. Nicely. Don't come out with your guns blaring and ready for a fight. Tell them that you have your suspicions and just want to know the truth. Also mention that you want them to feel free to talk to you about it. Especially if it is something that you do not approve of. And more important than anything: BE THE KIND OF PERSON THEY CAN TALK TO! I can't stress that enough. If you get mad every time they mention they slip up, or are having a hard day, chances are they will just stop talking to you.

One thing to remember as a spouse of a pornography addict is this: this is NOT about you. You are going to feel hurt, betrayed, even angry. DO NOT express these feelings when they arise. The only time you should ever talk to the addict about these feelings is when you are calm, collected, and caring. Your spouse is already feeling guilty and ashamed. So if you express these emotions right when they surface, you are telling your spouse that you don't care how they are feeling. You're taking the focus off of his problem, and putting the focus on you. Never EVER do this. The moment you do, whatever progress you've made in communicating about his addiction, will have taken numerous steps backwards. His addiction isn't meant to hurt you. And most importantly, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He hasn't cheated on you. It doesn't matter that you feel like he has, he hasn't. Once the problem is out in the open, chances are he will be wary of accepting any outside help. If you plan on staying married to him, you need to be patient.

Pornography is an addiction that is worse than any drug. They are going to have it for the rest of their life. This isn't to say they will never stop viewing pornography. Just that you will BOTH have to struggle and fight for the rest of his life. Again, if you plan on staying married to him, you now need to be gentle, patient and extremely compassionate as you encourage them to get help. Ultimatums should be avoided in all but the most extreme cases, and never mention divorce. Stay at your parents or a friends house if you must, but divorce is not a threat, it's a death sentence to your marriage. Show willingness to listen, accept and love them despite their problem.

Now how to help them stop? Encourage them to talk to religious leaders, go to support groups, seek counseling and friends that have/had the same problem. As your spouse goes through this, do the same thing. Talk to religious leaders, seek out support groups. Friends are different, you have to ask permission to speak to one of your friends about it. If you do not get permission, and do it anyway, your communication on the subject will dramatically decrease. You broke trust! Suggest that you put passwords on the computer. Ask them if it's okay if at the end of everyday you ask how they did that day. Go through the browser history of your computer together. Use the computer in a public room. If Internet is on their phone, see if their is a way to get it removed or check up on it or install a phone Internet filter.

Most important above all this though, have sex. Lots and lots of sex. Even if you aren't in the mood to do it, the best way to avoid a spouse masturbating, is if the urge is constantly being taken away. It also wouldn't hurt to spice things up a bit. Maybe what the spouse is craving is a little spice. Lingerie, different positions, dirty talk or toys. Obviously you would talk about these things beforehand, see what you are both comfortable with.

The biggest thing though is communication. Talk about everything. Now these aren't professional opinions. Just opinions of many who have dealt with the same thing. Things will get better as long as you have a calm and open heart and trust your spouse, even when it's hard.

I would add that pornography isn't always about sex. Even if you try to increase how often you're having sex, it may not affect their pornography addiction at all. But in most cases where pornography is an addiction, it's something they have learned to do to cope with stress, anxiety, boredom or something else. An addiction is an addiction. Even if life is going better in another area, the addiction will still be there. It takes time and a lot of work in different areas to overcome.

If you are the spouse of an addict, make sure you are seeking help and support yourself. It's usually not helpful to vent to your spouse how extremely hurt you're feeling right from the beginning. Eventually, this is appropriate, but probably not at first as it may push them away and feed into their feelings of shame. You still need somebody to talk to along the way and you need to be available for your spouse to talk to. I also don't usually have addicts fully disclose to their spouse if I think it might be harmful. Some couples do better with full disclosure upfront and others don't really want to know or prefer gradual disclosure over time.

1.15.2011

Guest Blogger -- Learning Curve

I have been receiving several emails from women interested in guest posting. I would love to have more input and different points of view on the blog. That is how we learn. I encourage you to gather knowledge and then decide what is best for you and your husband. If you would like to be a guest blogger, please email me at gwenisinlove {at} gmail.com.

I hope you learn something new from our first anonymous guest poster!

Hello, Gwen in Love readers! I saw a lot of comments on Gwen in Love from other women who were frustrated because they have a hard time climaxing, or because they could only climax if they had no distractions and were in the perfect position. I sent Gwen an email offering to do a guest post to share some ideas.

I'm confident that a reliable way to learn to orgasm more easily and in different positions is to practice. Just like anything else, it takes time, effort, and practice to improve our orgasmic potential! I often comment on another marriage forum where many women discuss their orgasm struggles. Many of them recommended a book called I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. Great book.

Here's an excerpt. But first... understand that this book, while very educational, wasn't written with a Christian audience in mind. If you have a problem practicing alone, all these "exercises" can be done with your husband.

"Sometimes we hear from women who feel limited by their own masturbation technique. For instance, perhaps a woman first orgasmed by lying in bed on her belly, squeezing her thigh muscles tight and pressing against her mattress. That technique may have worked fine when she was eleven, but as an adult she might find it limits her ability to have orgasms from other kinds of stimulation. If she wants to be able to come from oral sex, or have an orgasm by rubbing her clit while she`s having intercourse, the lying-on-your belly-thigh squeezing technique may present some challenges."


"Good news: It’s often possible for women to learn to and have orgasms in new ways. The process can be a little frustrating, because you basically have to teach your body that it can respond from other kinds of stimulation-even when you know full well you could get off fast and easily your old way."

* *

"To make this kind of change, start masturbating using your old technique. When you get pretty aroused, switch to a new technique that will allow you more orgasmic versatility. Stick with it even though it will take longer and may not feel as arousing right away—this may require some persistence. You'll probably need to experiment a bit to figure out what feels best and how to make this new technique work for you, much like a woman who's learning to have an orgasm for the first time. (Your advantage is that you're starting with the confidence that comes with knowing your body is capable of having orgasms.) Make sure you orgasm using the new technique. If you're having trouble staying sufficiently aroused, switch back briefly to your old technique to boost your arousal, but then bring yourself to orgasm the new way. Keep practicing even though it'll take more time and might not feel like as much fun. Remember how many years you practiced your old technique!"



*Magic of Ten Game*

Want to have stronger orgasms, and be able to come in a wider variety of positions and situations? Here's a fun game a woman can play all by herself that can help:

1. Wait until you have some private time.

2. Masturbate in your most common, reliable way. Get yourself almost to the brink of orgasm, but stop before you reach "the point of no return" —do not allow yourself to fall over that orgasmic edge. Count, "one."

3. Change to a new position. If you were lying on your back, try kneeling on your bed, or sitting up with your back against the wall. Start masturbating again. You will have lost some of your arousal, but not all. Get yourself almost to the brink of orgasm again. It'll be a little more challenging this time, because you're not accustomed to doing so in this position. Again, stop before you reach "the point of no return"—no orgasm allowed yet. That's "two."

4. Change to a new position. You might lie on your side, or crouch doggie style, resting on your knees and one forearm, using your head for support. You might try it with your legs closer together or farther apart than is your usual preference. Again, masturbate yourself almost to orgasm, but stop just before you get there. "Three."

5. Get yourself to that brink of orgasm ten times. You may find it helps to rest for a minute or two in between positions, to allow your level of arousal to fall back a bit before nudging it up again. On the tenth time, you're allowed to go for it—finally!

6. Enjoy an orgasm that will probably be particularly satisfying because of all that teasing. Longer buildups tend to result in bigger orgasms. Plus, realizing your body has the potential to come in so many different positions can be liberating.

For advanced players: Instead of just modifying your physical position, experiment with changing the type of stimulation each time. Try one finger instead of two, vertical strokes instead of horizontal, tapping instead of rubbing. Vary your typical speed or rhythm. Masturbate with various kinds of penetration, both fingers and other phallic objects, Warning: This is a lot harder, and some kinds of stimulation may not work for your body. That's okay—you can also alternate between your reliable way of touching your-self and new approaches. Make up the rules as you go. The best part of this game is that you discover a little more about how your body responds each time you play. There's no way to lose at a game that ends in orgasm!

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